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____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Dr. Kelly Brennan - every Wednesday at 11:15

8/27/14

Servers Not Servants: 7 Things Your Server Wishes You Knew!

Life • Kelley Lord • Jul 31, 2014 - 10:37am

 “Good evening ladies, welcome to the Tavern. My name is Kelley and I will…”
“Seltzer, please, with a lime!”

We would never cut someone off we just met at a party, so why do we do it in a restaurant? When you go out to wine and dine, you expect to get the service you are paying for. You expect to get a table upon arriving, a cheery server, your food promptly and your water glass always full.

Right after you asked for your seltzer with lime, another customer poked her in the back and asked her to get more ketchup before the fries got cold.

She goes back to the service station for ketchup, seltzer and lime only to discover that her two strawberry daiquiris hadn’t yet been made for the couple at table 22B. Or is it 22C? I think they moved, so they might be 22C now.

The bartender tells her she has to get more daiquiri mix from downstairs and that they have no limes. She runs downstairs, grabs the mix, runs back to the bartender, gets the seltzer, grabs the ketchup, goes to deliver the seltzer and gets poked in the back with an accompanying, “My ketchup!”

She had one job. Whatever, there goes her tip.

Servers are the face of the restaurant. If something doesn’t go to plan, they are the ones to deliver the news and absorb the repercussions.  They are there to help, but sometimes, customers make their jobs harder without even knowing it. Below are the top 7 things servers wish customers knew:

1.  Do not interrupt your server during his or her introduction and if you are in a rush, tell us as soon as we greet you.

Your server simply wants to welcome you, tell you his or her name for future reference and ask if you want to hear the specials. It is rude to interrupt — your drink order can wait 30 seconds. 

If you are in a rush, you might want to reconsider a sit-down restaurant. However, if you do choose to come in and are in a hurry, let us know immediately so we can take your order right away and try to bump up your meal in the kitchen.


2. Look at your server when you are ordering and if you want additional condiments, order them with your meal.

Acknowledging your server with eye contact is not only respectful, but also makes it easy for him or her to hear you. A mumble into your menu is nearly impossible to understand in a noisy restaurant.  Also, if you want something with your meal, like a side of ranch dressing, let the server know during your order. This way, it can all come together. It saves you time and saves the server a second trip when your food arrives.


3.  Allow your significant other to order for him or herself and understand, we are not trying to get with your date.

Most orders come with a follow up question, whether it’s “how would you like that cooked?” or “would like fries or a side salad with that?”  When you are speaking for your partner, it becomes difficult and awkward to know exactly what a person wants.

Just because servers are polite and friendly does not mean we want to steal your girlfriend or boyfriend. We are just there to do our job and take both of your orders, so do not give us dirty looks for doing so.


4. Be aware of how long your order takes to make and do not snap your fingers, touch your server or whistle when you want something.

If you order a well-done steak and a mojito, know will take significantly longer to produce than fries and a beer.  We already know that this job is not glorified. Adding in disrespect makes us feel even more belittled. We tell you our name so you can use it. Be polite and we will love you for making our job more manageable.


5.  If the restaurant is packed, do not expect the same attention you would get if it were dead.

We like to connect with our tables when we can, but when we are juggling a lot of tables at once, our attention has to be spread thin and evenly.  Understand that if you had to wait to get a table, you will probably also have to wait to get your food order taken and meals on the table. Imagine going home and cooking for 200 people — sometimes things get backed up.


6.  Leave a cash tip and understand that only a percentage of your tip goes to your server.

It is more beneficial to leave your server a cash tip than to do so on your card. By leaving a cash tip, you are ensuring that the money can stay with your server.  At the end of a shift at most restaurants, servers have to tip out 30 percent to their bartender, runner and busser. Keep this in mind when you think you are tipping your server in full.


7.  The longer you stay at a table, the more business you take away from your server.

You have every right to take your time and enjoy yourself when you are out to eat. Just be aware that the longer you camp out after a meal, the more time you are taking at a table your server could be using for new customers and new tips.

Out of courtesy, if you stay significantly longer at a table after your meal is over, you should reflect it in the tip. Time is money.

Here are the 7 tips servers with you knew.  Above all of these please remember to treat us like servers, not like servants.  Ultimately, we are here to serve you and to make sure you have a positive experience at our restaurant. We want to develop relationships with our regulars and leave positive, lasting impressions.

We go to work and tie our aprons just as you leave for the office and tighten your tie.  If you come in with all this in mind, you will make servers’ lives easier, which in turn, will help you have a smooth, enjoyable dining experience.  So do us a favor – mentioning servers by name in good reviews gives us major brownie points and makes all we do in serving you worth it.

Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon.  August 27, 2014

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________8/20/14

10 Marriage Tips Every WIFE Needs to Hear

Karen Lodato – Eight Rising.com / October 28, 2013

There’s a blog post that’s recently gone viral, written by a divorced man featuring some really sound advice about marriage.  I really have to applaud this guy.  It takes guts to stand up and be transparent about your failures.  It’s equally as commendable to stand up and say how you’d do things differently.

One thing that his post is lacking, however, is the female perspective.  After reading his post, I wanted to take some time and write down some things that I’ve learned in the last ten years.  You see – I’m now in my third marriage.  When people learn this fact about me, their reaction is usually pretty awkward.  It’s almost as if they’re waiting for me to be embarrassed by my admission. While going through two divorces was some of the most painful times of my life, I’d only feel ashamed if I’d gone through it without being able to say I’ve learned a thing or two.  My husband and I had both been through divorce before we married each other, and with that brings a unique perspective into many do’s and don’ts of how to treat your spouse. Don’t get me wrong – our marriage isn’t perfect, but our failures in past relationships have shaped decisions we make about the way we treat each other, and to be honest, I’m glad I went through it.  We’ve learned better, so now we do better.

And with that, I’d like to offer up my version of his wise marriage tips – from a woman who has triumphed the murky waters of divorce.

  1. Respect your husband.  – Notice how it doesn’t say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife.  The trap that we’ve all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.
  2. Guard your heart. – The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you’ve been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough.  There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.
  3. God, husband, kids…in that order. – I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first in my life no matter what. But regardless of your belief system, your husband should come before your kids. Now unless you’re married to someone who is abusive (in which case, I urge you to seek help beyond what my blog can give you), no man in his right mind would ask you to put your kids aside to serve his every need while neglecting them. That’s not what this means. When you board an airplane, the flight attendants are required to go over emergency preparedness prior to takeoff. When explaining the part about how to operate the oxygen mask, passengers are instructed to first put the mask on themselves before putting it on their small child. Is that because they think you are more important than your kids? Absolutely not. But you cannot effectively help your child if you can’t breathe yourself. The same holds true with marriage and parenting. You cannot effectively parent your children if your marriage is falling apart. Take it from me – I tried. There will also come a time when your kids will leave the house to pursue their dreams as adults. If you have not cultivated a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will have both empty nests and empty hearts.
  4. Forgive. – No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit – for everything from major mistakes to little annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my husband for leaving the wet towel on the bathroom counter ;)) – you will keep resentment from growing.
  5. Over-communicate. – I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard “You should know why I’m mad” game, and that’s just downright unfair. Men are not wired like women, and they DON’T always know that they’ve been insensitive. I’m still growing in this area, and there are often times when my husband has to pry something out of me, but I’m trying to remember that I need to just communicate how I feel.
  6. Schedule a regular date night. – This one isn’t new, but it’s very important. Never stop dating your spouse.  Even if you can’t afford dinner and a movie (which we seldom can), spending some regular one-on-one time with your spouse is essential. Don’t talk about bills, or schedules, or the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect emotionally and often learn something new about each other – even after four years.
  7. Never say the “D Word”. – If you’re gonna say it, you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening divorce is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my previous marriages. I’m not proud of it, but I learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.
  8. Learn his love language. – Everyone has a love language. The way you perceive love is often different from the way your spouse perceives love. Does he like words of affirmation, or does he respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever his love language is – learn it and USE IT.  Edited to add: If you are unfamiliar with the principles behind love languages, you can learn more about it here.
  9. Never talk negatively about him. – I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn’t subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you’re close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective.  News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!
  10. Choose to love. – There are times in a marriage that you may wake up and not feel in love anymore. Choose to love anyway. There are times when you may not be attracted to your husband anymore. Choose to love anyway. Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are sacred. They don’t say “if you have bad times”. They say “in good times AND in bad”, implying that there WILL be bad times. It’s inevitable. So choose to love anyway. He’s worth it.

These 10 things every wife needs to hear helps both individuals to develop a relationship built on love, understanding, friendship, companionship and above all, a sense of oneness in the most important relationship in your life.

Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon.  August 20, 2014.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________8/06/14

How to NOT be The Creepy Guy:Things Creepy Guys do and How to Fix them!

By Chase Amante

There are some specific behavioral traits creepy guys possess that you'll notice more socially calibrated men do not. I'll list them out here and explain.

1.  Scanning and Staring. Creepy guys tend to scan around a lot, "hunting" and looking for the next woman they'll talk to. This is very obvious to everyone else in the venue, especially women, who have eagle eyes for which guys are staring at them and get creeped out by men who are scanning around and staring them down. More socially calibrated men instead flow naturally into conversation and use their peripheral vision, identifying women they want to talk to without ever looking directly at them.

2.  Giving too much of their body.Creepy guys come on very strong and give full body attention most of the time. That is, they point both their feet, their torso, and their head and eyes directly at the person they're talking to. This is like what many salespeople do when you walk into a store, and it makes you feel cornered when they do that to you, right?

Well, a guy turning his body on full blast to some girl he's just met makes that girl feel exactly the same. Learn to talk to women over your shoulder and open them with the side of your body facing toward them, rather than giving them a full frontal.

3.  Being overly serious.Sexy men typically have either an extremely steamy, sultry vibe about them, or they have a puckish playfulness mixed in with sexual undertones. Women react very well to this. Creepy guys, on the other hand, usually don't smile at all, and seem dead serious.

When a man approaches a new woman, she has no idea what his intentions        are, and men are generally bigger and stronger than women and thus potentially dangerous to them. Smiles disarm; but creepy guys often forget to smile and instead barrel in with a serious expression on their faces and alarm women. You  mustn't forget to smile.

4.  Being a social burden.The concept of the social burden is a pretty   interesting one.  Basically, when you've just met someone there's often a fear that you're going to stick around and not leave and be a burden on them socially, even if you seem like a really cool guy. Socially calibrated men are very good at defusing the fear of the social burden, and thus move past this quite quickly. Less experienced men are often not, and hang around giving full, unflinching attention to a new woman and hanging onto her like a bulldog.

There are ways to adroitly hang onto a woman while simultaneously defusing  the fear of the social burdens, like speaking slowly and with lots of pauses is a very good place to start.  It allows women to relax and know that they'll be able to get a word in and end the conversation if they need to, which is freeing for them to know and alleviates much of the fear.

5.  Being truly indirect verbally, while communicating interest nonverbally.  Most new guys prefer using indirect – not coming out and stating their interest in a woman – because they haven't figured out how to do direct yet without coming on too strong, and indirect feels a lot safer and less intimidating. And indirect is certainly fine, so long as at some point you start communicating your interest.

The stronger your interest comes across via behavior and body language, the sooner you must verbally communicate or at least imply interest. If you continue beating around the bush and trying to act uninterested while your behavior and body language implies otherwise, you'll be deemed "creepy." Circumvent this by verbally or implicitly confirming to women that yes, you admit you're interested.

6.  Being afraid.There's a psychological term called "emotional contagion" that discusses the absorption and internalization of the emotions of those around us, and the one thing that many creepy guys have when they're talking to strangers and new women is fear. And when a man is feeling fear, he communicates it; the expressions on his face are a little tighter; his voice trembles a bit more; he thinks about conversation more slowly and his conversation comes with more hesitation; and he puts out plumes of pheromones filled with fear chemicals that women pick up on.

If you start communicating fear, women pick up on it – and become fearful themselves.  Compound that with standing there trying to force a conversation with a woman you're afraid of – ack, no good; the girl feels like something is very off.  Unfortunately, not much you can do about this one aside from bite the bullet and go talk to the girls you find most intimidating, until you reach the point where they frighten you no more.

Moving Beyond Creepy

The best way to get over creepiness, of course, is to develop a high degree of social calibration and social intuition.  I strongly recommend dropping routines and fun and entertaining stuff if you're doing that and focusing instead on becoming a talented conversationalist.

It will be a bit harder for a while if you've been doing that other stuff, and you'll get fewer extreme reactions from women and might see a drop in your results for a while if you've been getting some with some other stuff, because the learning curve's a bit steeper.  But you'll quickly advance as a conversationalist once you start trying and, man, let me tell you, once you're good with conversation, you will blow away all the guys trying to entertain.

You must also seek to romance women.  Provide women with great emotions and a great experience!  That's what you need to be looking to do. You're not there to take; you're there to give. Quick, casual intimacy happens when a man creates the proper emotions in a woman to make it happen.  Even the women who are desperately looking for a man to go to bed with will not go to bed with just any man most of the time; usually they're looking for a man who knows how to push the buttons women need to have pushed in order to become his lover.

So, if you ever feel like you're giving off a "worthless player" vibe, take a second and ask yourself what value you're providing to women.  If the answer is not much, start zeroing in on how you can provide value to them.  You should target things like excitement, connection building, and sexual intrigue.

Once you're providing value to women, and being honest about your intentions, the risk of being dubbed a "creepy guy" becomes less and less, until eventually it disappears altogether, never to be seen again.

Learning not to be the creepy guy and overcoming the creepy guy behaviors will enable you to be the guy women point out in a crowd and say, "Ah, that’s the guy for me!”

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM,  August 06, 2014.  Portland. Oregon.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________7/30/14

 

10 Questions Men are Too Scared to Ask Women: Inside the Male Mind

Men aren't always the sharpest tools in the shed, especially when it comes to women. Redbook's “Whys Guy blogger” Aaron Traister breaks down the ten things he just doesn't get about the opposite sex.

1.  Why so many shoes?

Shoes are a craving, like candy minus the calories. An especially hot pair can make us feel sexier, taller, and stronger, all without any creepy injectibles or carb-free crash diets. No matter what our drama — stress, bloating, breakups — shoes almost always fit, and if not, there's no guilt in going up a size.  Not to mention that our wardrobes are as complicated as we are: Can I tuck those Jeans into boots, or are they stiletto-optimized? Do I need to wear my Triscuit-binge pants, which only take flats? Maybe an outfit requires brown shoes, but what shade? And if those brown shoes chafed my foot yesterday, then today I want a pair that won't hit the same spot. Hey, what would you guys prefer — that we stock up on actual crack?

2.  My wife chats about our sex life with her friends. How can women do this?

Fundamentally, women process things by talking with friends. Whether to commiserate, vent, get advice, or gloat, we work through our experiences verbally. Men work their problems out by drowning them in light beer while watching SportsCenter in crushing silence. This is just how the world works. We all have to deal with it.

3.  Vampires — really?

Vampires are the ultimate "bad boys." Women love a vampire because we want to reform him and make him ours, for him to set aside his massive, brutal power in order to cuddle and play the piano. There's nothing more appealing to the ladies than a long-term rehabilitation project, as the abundance of serial-killer jail mail makes clear. There's also the matter of bloodsucking, a literal metaphor for sex if there ever was one: the vampire's fangs stabbing the woman's neck, draining her until she falls into an ecstatic stupor. Vampire romances are a way for women to enjoy reading about sex without admitting they are reading about sex. Women are adventurous and prudish at the same time, and vampires allow us to indulge in our deepest fantasies. And in my particular case, they also pay the bills.

4.  Do you think we don't know it's a padded bra?

Here's why we wear padded bras: Number one, they're thick, so they eliminate the dreaded headlight syndrome. Number two, they're about the sell: They put our assets where they're supposed to be. You guys are all window-shopping — if we keep them in the front of the store, we know you'll spend money. By the time that bra's coming off, it's a little late for buyer's remorse.

5.  How can a woman hold it together for everyone else but have such a short fuse with her husband?

I'm not even going to attempt a sports analogy and instead use what I know best: Elmo. He's adorable — until you realize that the person behind the cuteness is not a preschooler but a 50-year-old man. What's mildly irritating in kids is infuriating in adults. I call it Extra Child Syndrome. With four young kids in our house, I need to know that my husband's got my back. Anything that creates more work, whether it's un-dyeing the laundry he turned pink or rescheduling that missed appointment, frustrates me. It isn't fair that a husband bears the brunt of his wife's frustration, but be flattered: Your wife knows you can handle it, because you are, at the end of the day, the only other grown-up in the house.

6.  Why do you buy über-healthy food that you're not going to eat?

Certain foods are so virtuous that the mere act of putting them in your shopping cart makes you a healthier, happier person and, perhaps more to the point, an exemplary mother. So these purchases are not the waste of money and pantry space they appear to be. Secondly, having high ideals, even if I don't live up to them, keeps me from totally junking out. For me, a life without aspirations of a leafy-green, quinoa-rich diet is a life filled with braised fatty pork shoulders, Milky Way Midnights, and spicy curly fries pilfered from my kids' restaurant orders. As soon as I've let go of the vegan Martha Stewart vision, I've... let go.

 7. Size does matter, doesn't it?

The size of a man's ego is what you have to worry about more. Like a penis, if it's too big, it's a problem.

8. Why is it so hard to talk women into having sex?

As a working, married mother of three, my favorite time of the day is when all my kids have taken their fourth and final sip of water and are in their beds, so I can climb into mine. Most moms of young kids would choose sleep over sex any day. To get us to have sex, you need to start a few hours beforehand. Start by giving your wife simple compliments like, "You are the hottest mother at T-ball." If that doesn't work, turn it up a notch and say, "You are the hottest mom in the entire Little League, including away games." If you don't have kids, try something like, "The way you go from day to evening by simply switching out a closed-toe pump for a leopard peep-toe never ceases to amaze me." Then, after dinner, subtly rub up against her as you sexily take out the trash. Later, when she crawls into bed, whisper in her ear, "How do you expect me to control myself when you have your Crest Whitestrips on?" I also suggest giving her a massage, but with your hands, not just your penis. You need to press your thumbs into her shoulders for at least eight minutes. (Wives know a massage from a husband is a gateway to penetration, but we still want the massage.) Lastly, sexting your wife during the day leading up to sex can be really titillating, especially because for couples married more than six years, sexting didn't exist during the courtship, so it feels new. However, make sure you are in fact sending that sext to your spouse and not to your child's teacher, like I did last year.

9. Why won't you admit that The Notebook is a lousy film?

What we're dealing with here is a textbook case of "His D-word is bigger than mine" complex. In this case, the D-word is devotion: Noah's humongous, sigh-inducing devotion to Allie. Noah isn't whipped, and their relationship isn't perfect. It's just that he loves her so completely, flaws and all, that he's willing to work as hard as it takes to stay together. See, you could just as easily be your wife's fantasy man... except for the whole face-like-Ryan Gosling thing.

10. Why do women stress about so many things?

Well, first of all, we have the pressure of being the superior gender. There's also pressure to be the best mom, cook your own meals, grow organic vegetables, be great at work, and be young. Then there's pressure to have hobbies, so you're unique and fantastic at a dinner party. If there were one thing we could take from men, it would be their incredible ability to tune out, like when they watch football for six hours straight or go to a bar for four hours. If women have five minutes free, they fill it up with something that's part of the perfecting machine. We think, I'll just make dinner from scratch or stay at the office a little bit longer to make this report better. Or, I'll just run and get a manicure. We're all hamsters on the wheel. And on top of that, we're not supposed to have stress; we're supposed to live a long life! God forbid we drink too much caffeine and have a heart attack!

Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon.  July 30, 2014.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________7/22/14

 

A Wife's Response to the 1955 Housekeeping Monthly: 'The Good Wife Guide vs. The Good Husband Guide'

By, thegoodhusbandguide.blogspot.com

Ever seen that article called the Good Wife Guide?  You may have received it in an email.  It's pasted below.  If you've already had the pleasure, then scroll down to see a wife's response: "The Good Husband Guide"

"The Good Wife Guide" 

 

Housekeeping Monthly circa 1955

1.  Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return.  This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.  Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.


2.  Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives.  Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking.  He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

3.  Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.  Clear away the clutter.  Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.  Run a dust cloth over the tables.

4.  During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by.  Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.  After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

5.  Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum.  Encourage the children to be quiet.

6.  Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.  Listen to him.  You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

7.  Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

8.  Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom.  Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.  Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

9.  Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.  Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.  You have no right to question him.

This article basically told women that a good wife always knows her place…

Wow, now that you’ve read the guide to a “good wife” next is women’s response to this article – I present, the Good Husband Guide.

The Good Husband Guide 2005


1.  COME HOMEfor dinner. If you think you’re going to be late, call. On the other hand, feel free to go anywhere you want. In fact, stay out all night. But don't return home before you've retained counsel.

2.  PREPARE YOURSELF Take a second to pop a mint and spare her your dragon breath. If you happen to stink after work; go hose yourself down before you come to the dinner table.


3.  LEAVE WORK related problems at the front door. Don’t take them out on her. It’s not her fault that you are overworked and underpaid. Trust me, so is she. Whatever the going rate is for catering to your endless needs and your ungrateful ass; it is not now nor could ever be enough

4.  ACT HAPPY TO SEE HER, even if you have to fake it. You'd be surprised at the amount of faking she has done on your behalf. Smile at her. It's easy.

5.  BE NICE TO HER. Use your manners. You remember those don't you? Manners are the nice words and gestures you bestow on everyone else.  A polite husband is usually a lot 'luckier' than a rude one.


6.  ASK ABOUT HER DAY. Then just shut up and let her vent. Resist the urge to offer your sage advice. Listen up: Your keen sense of the obvious does not help. It’s insulting.

7.  DON'T ASK if she’s picked up your dry cleaning, scheduled your dentist appointment, called the plumber or any other menial task you have assigned. She’ll get around to it and if she doesn't, count that as minor compared to her bouncing a six-pack off your flat screen before kick-off.


8.  DON'T QUESTION her actions, her judgment or integrity. Remember, she is the queen of the house. More importantly, she might be PMS-ing within an inch of your life.


REMEMBER: A good husband always knows he can be replaced.

In 2014, unlike 1955, men and women are looking for a guide to help improve the odds of their relationship working and not becoming another statistic of divorce.  In 1955 the focus was on women to make the relationship work, today we understand that it takes BOTH people in the relationship to make it work. Whether you have these guides or not, both women and men must learn to work together and understand that their relationship is interdependent on each other to make it work. 

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. July 23, 2014

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7/16/14

5 Deadly Terms Used By A Woman!

By, eHarmony.com May 2014

As guys we are constantly looking to understand the women in our lives.  We talk to them and when they respond we take their comments literally when in reality, there is “hidden meaning” in their responses.  Listed below are 5 deadly terms used by women that ALL men need to understand.

1.  FINE:  This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she IS RIGHT and you need to SHUT-UP!

She says to you: “So that’s the way you think we should do that?  FINE!

2.  NOTHING:  This word when used by women means something and YOU need to be WORRIED!

She states; “So when it’s all said and one you think you’re right?  What do I think?  NOTHING!”

3.  GO AHEAD: This is a Dare, not PERMISSION, DO not DO IT!

She states, “You want to go out with the guys this weekends…Well if you think you should…Go ahead!”

4.WHATEVER: A woman’s way of saying “SCREW YOU!”

She states; Well it that’s what you want…WHATEVER!”

5.  THAT’S OKAY:  She is thinking long and hard on How and When YOU will PAY for your mistake!

She states: “So you’re going out with the guys instead of me…”THAT’S OKAY!”

BONUS WORD:  WOW!  This is NOT a complaint.  She’s AMAZED that one person could be SO STUPID!

She state;  “So after ALL was talked about you are still going to do what you want?   WOW!”

So, here are the responses ALL men need to understand by women.  To better communicate with women, learning the meaning of these five different words helps men to better understand her.

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. July 16, 2014.

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7/10/14

Birthday Blues: How to Handle Birthday Depression!

By Jen Barns

It's Your Birthday – Woot or Cry?

Everyone knows what birthdays are supposed to look like, right?

Having a good time with a bunch of friends or a romantic dinner with someone special. Feeling secure and happy that your life is on track and you're right where you're supposed to be. Relishing in how young, vibrant, and beautiful you feel!

So why is it on birthdays that my people find themselves laying in bed all day with the covers over their head and their phone turned off?  Or spending the day crying into their pillow? Or drowning their blues in multiple bowls of ice cream?

Sound familiar to you?

If so, you many not even understand why birthdays seem to make you want to curl up in a ball and toss obscenities at the world.

There's one big, nasty word that has everything to do with why birthdays end up being exactly the opposite of what we think they should be...Expectations.

Expectations

There are two kinds of expectations that can cause even the best of us to hole up in our barricaded bedroom eating birthday cake in the dark (come on...don't tell me I'm the only one):

1 - Expectations of where and what our life should be.

2 - Expectations of the birthday celebrations themselves.

1.  Expectations of where and what our life should be. 

You Should Have Everything You Ever Wanted By Now!

Birthdays, for most of us, represent a marking of time in which we have certain goals and expectations for ourselves. Each of us, whether we admit it or not, have a timeline in our mind at which we will accomplish certain life events.  All too often, birthdays become a reminder of all the things we haven't accomplished, of all the ways we are behind our peers, or all the things we are lacking.

When my best friend turned 30, she was devastated. She cried for days. She had always thought when she turned 30 she would be married with kids, living in her own home complete with a garden and chickens in the back.  When 30 rolled around, she was single with no current prospects and renting a room in a house with two other girls. She mourned that picture perfect life that she didn't have.

I've had the delusion for the past decade that I'm still 21. I feel young and in my mind 30-somethings are so OLD! (Apologies to those of you who are older than your 30s. You are not old.) So when those birthdays roll around reminding me that I am a 30-something, I feel the loss of all that time with seeming little to show for it.

Where did a decade go?

And with age, it seems that there should be a change - I should finally be confident and disciplined. But instead, the illusion of continuity makes it seem as if I am the same as I've always been. Growth is so gradual that sometimes it's easy to feel as if it has never happened.

So much to ruminate over and so much time and dreaming to mourn.

2.  Expectations of the birthday celebrations themselves.

Every Birthday Should Have Cake and Everyone Should Acknowledge Your Birthday!

Holiday blues, birthday blues - why is it that the moments in our lives that are supposed to be happy end up being blah?  We expect them to be wonderful and that's why they aren't.

We expect our significant other to make a huge deal, so when he gets busy at work and is late to take us out,  it's automatically a big letdown no matter how great the night is after that. We expect friends to remember and make an effort. So when the calls don't come, we automatically think we aren't loved.

My family has always celebrated "birthday week." Not a day, not just a birthday dinner - a WEEK!

When it's your birthday week, no one better be asking you to do the dishes.  Dinner is always your choice.  You get taken out to eat for your birthday at least one day and you get your favorite meal homemade another day.  You get the restaurant birthday cake and the homemade birthday cake.  You get a party with friends, a party with family, and if you have a significant other, you get a romantic birthday celebration as well.  Presents trickle in throughout the week and there are always plenty of surprises.

As I got older, birthday week started to fizzle out. But the expectation that birthdays should be a week of wonderfulness was still there. So after having to do the dishes on my own birthday (can you imagine?!) and then being expected to be satisfied with dinner and a gift certificate, I felt neglected and unloved.

As a child, it's so easy to feel that birthdays and holidays are magical, but carrying those expectations into adulthood often leads to post-celebration blues.

We focus so much on what things SHOULD be that we can't enjoy what is. Birthday dinner is great! But using birthday week or any expectation as a comparison to birthday dinner, ruins what could have been a great time.

Birthday Depressed Anonymous

So what's one in birthday depression recovery to do?

1.  Lower Your Expectations

Easier said than done, but try to lower your expectations. Don't expect anyone to do anything, or expect that party to be a flop. Anything good that happens will be an unexpected surprise!

2.  Keep Busy.

Don't wait around for someone else to do something for your birthday. Sitting around the house just gives you an opportunity to mull over the passage of time.  You know what you'd like to do on your birthday, so schedule it. Get a massage. Go on a shopping spree. Go to the movies.

3.  Remember All That You HAVE Accomplished

It's easy to gloss over everything that you have accomplished and end up feeling like time has passed with nothing to show for it.  You ARE a rock star!  So prove it to yourself, by going through old pictures (warning: some people may become more depressed doing this, you know who you are), making a list of accomplishments, or even having a friend remind you of your victories.

I have a friend who lists all her major "wins" from the previous year on her birthday. Sometimes they are things that only mean much to her - getting into the habit of flossing. Sometimes they are big life events - running a marathon.  Spending time thinking about what you HAVE done will keep you from thinking about all the things you haven't yet accomplished or that you think you should have accomplished.

4.  You Don't Have To Wait For Someone Else to Make You Happy

Every year for as long as I can remember, my mom has bought herself flowers for her birthday. She was always disappointed when my dad didn't. So one year she bought flowers for herself and she's been doing it ever since.  She stopped waiting for someone else to make her happy. (They're happily married, btw.)  Remember, no one can read your mind and no one is perfect. If you're waiting for someone else to make things special, you'll be disappointed. If there's something that will make you happy, then make it happen.

5.  Make A Plan to Make This Year Special

One of my coworkers told me how on her 50th birthday, she was afraid she would be depressed. So she decided to make it an adventure year.  For that year she made it a goal to write 50 letters letting people know how much she loved them, to try 50 new restaurants, to vacation just 50 miles from her home, and to complete 50 random acts of kindness.

6.  Let Your Friends Know

Not everyone is wanting a lot of attention on their birthday, but if you're one of those who is coy about mentioning your birthday and then sad when no one notices, make it a point to mention it.

"So I'm thinking I might schedule a massage for my birthday next week." That's all it takes. I've even seen the more blunt of my friends post on Facebook that they'll be having a birthday next week.

7.  It's Okay to Mourn

Sometimes we just need some time to be sad about what isn't and what might not be. That's okay.

Let yourself cry about the house that you don't own, the corporate position you haven't got, and the significant other you may not have found yet. Then get over it. You've got life ahead of you to live, don't waste more than you need to worrying about what isn't.

8.  Learn From It

You may want to punch me in the face for saying so, but pain is there to teach you something. Maybe your birthday makes you feel lonely, that's true for many of us. But use that feeling to help motivate you to make an effort to get out more and meet people.  Perhaps you feel sad that you haven't accomplished as much as you feel you should. This might be a sign you need to be easier on yourself or give yourself more credit than you do.

Ask yourself, "How can I be better because of this moment?" instead of letting yourself sink into a dark hole of inactivity and depression. Also, find ways to be more compassionate and loving to yourself.

Final Words

It's normal to feel sad on your birthday. This isn't a sign that you're a failure or unloved. Think of someone you love and admire and it's likely they've felt some birthday depression at one time as well.  If you could tell them something when they are down, what would you say? Now say that to yourself.  You ARE a rock star!

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM.  July 09, 2014. Portland. Oregon.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________7/02/14

10 Fun Facts about the Fourth of July!

It has now been 236 years since the signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776.

Here are 10 fun facts about the Fourth of July to share with friends and family…

1. A Truly Young Nation

The average age of the Signers of the Declaration of Independence was 45.

The youngest was Thomas Lynch, Jr (27) of South Carolina.  The oldest delegate was Benjamin Franklin (70) of Pennsylvania.

The lead author of The Declaration, Thomas Jefferson, was 33.

2. Men of Harvard

1 out of 8 signers of the signers were educated at Harvard (7 total).

Four each at William & Mary, Yale, and Princeton.

George Wythe was a professor at William & Mary and one of his students was Thomas Jefferson.

3. Happy July 2nd

July 2, 1776 was the initial date the resolution of independence   was approved in a closed session of Congress.

The next day, John Adamsremarked in a letter to his wife Abigail:

“The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable day in the history of America.

I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival.

It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty.”

But Congress revised the Declaration for final approval on July 4, 1776, making the 4th the celebratory day!

4. Date for History – July 4th

The only two signers of the Declaration of Independence who later served as President of the United States were John Adams and Thomas Jefferson.

Both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson (bitter rivals) died on the same day, July 4, 1826, the 50th anniversary of the Declaration.

5. Our National Turkey

Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter to his daughter Sarah Bache in 1784:

“For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country.

He is a Bird of bad moral character. For in Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America.

6. Our Nation Has Grown

There were an estimated 2.5 million people living in the newly independent nation in 1776.

Total U.S. population in 2011 was 311.6 million.

7. A Salute to the Union

A salute of one gun for each state in the United States, called a “salute to the union,” is fired on Independence Day at noon by any capable military base.

8. Thank China for Old Glory

87.5% ($2.8 million) of imported U.S. flags are from China.

9. And for Fireworks

97% ($190.7 million) of imported fireworks are from China.

10.  The Liberty Bell

Every 4th of July the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia is tapped (not actually rung) thirteen times in honor of the original thirteen colonies.

(Sources:  U.S. Census Bureau, U.S. Army History, Junto Society, U.S.History.org, Wikipedia – Declaration of Independence, Wikipedia – Independence Day, Wikipedia – Wild Turkey)

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show.  AM 860 KPAM.  Portland, Oregon.  July 02, 2014

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6/25/14

5 Unexpected Things Women Find Sexy!!!

By, Dr Gabrielle MorrisseySex & relationship expert

What do women find sexy?  Big biceps?  Having an enormous...bank account (what were you thinking?)  Well the answers may surprise you...

1.  YOUR SMELL

Yes, a nice cologne works wonders, but your body odor can turn her on too. Research shows that a man's natural scent can turn a woman on in a matter of seconds.  In fact, scientific experiments have shown that based on the smell of his t-shirt alone, a woman can tell if she is attracted to him without ever even seeing his face. This natural scent is known as pheromones.  A pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species.  These pheromones are chemicals capable of acting outside of the body of the secreted individual to impact behavior of the receiving individual.  Women tend to pick up the pheromones of men and men tend to pick up on the pheromones of women.

2.  YOUR MANNERS

It's a modern world, but old fashioned chivalry is alive and well in the dating and relationship scene.  If you are rude or inconsiderate to a waiter on a date, she is likely to think you will be to her too.  But if you show lovely manners not just to her, but those around you, she is more likely to drop her guard and let you in because she will consider you a decent guy.  And if she drops her guard and warms up to you socially, she's more likely to warm to up to you in all ways if you follow my drift fellas.

3.  YOUR FEMININE SIDE

Does a woman love a hot, hard, chiseled sex machine?  Yes!  Does she think it's sexy if that macho man gives her a massage, rubs her feet, paints her nails or has a bath with her?  Ooooh yes she does!!!  Drop the tough guy vibe and be tender with her, do touchy feely activities together that pamper her or you both.  Indulgence is sexy every once in awhile.

4.  YOUR SECRETS

Most women find intimacy sexy.  Tell her your secrets, share your heart, reveal your vulnerabilities and  understand guys, she doesn't think you're weak at all - she thinks you're strong, brave and most of all special and very sexy.  Remember, timing is EVERYTHING!  Don’t share too much early in the relationship but don’t wait too long because she may have moved on emotionally.

5.  YOUR RHYTHM

Women love a guy who can dance.  Can't dance?  Go learn!  You don't need to be able to sweep her off her feet, but holding a rhythm and not being shy to slow dance with her in the lounge, or step onto the dance floor with her when you're out on the town is super sexy to a woman whether it's a first date or a tenth anniversary together.  Fred Astaire stated once that, “dancing is like making love dressed.” So if you do it well, some women say there's nothing sexier!

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM.  June 25, 2014. Portland. Oregon.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________6/18/14

 

Strange Things You Likely Didn't Know ???

By, www.robinsweb.com/humor/strange_things.html

Most human beings love learning new things.  Playing games such as Trivia Pursuit is one example of a fun and competitive way to measure a person’s knowledge.  Below are some strange things you likely didn’t know. 

Did you know?

1.  Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will       digest itself.

2.  A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and
down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

3.  A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

4.  During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can be seen
in the distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).

5.  On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily!
(That explains a few mysteries....)

6.  Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

7.  Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

8.  Weatherman Willard Scott was the first Ronald McDonald.

9.  If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who discovered this??)

10.  Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

11.  The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."

12.  The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which
stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

13.  By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

14.  Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

15.  Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

16.  The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.

17.  The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.

18.  Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!

19.  In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

20.  The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

21.  It is impossible to lick your elbow.

22.  The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

23.  The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

24.  Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

25.  The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

26.  Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

27.  If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

28.  Qt. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?  Answer: All were invented by women.

29.  Qt. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?  Answer:  Honey

30.  In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

31.  It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the "honeymoon".

32.  In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them, "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."   It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

33.  Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM.  June 18, 2014. Portland. Oregon.

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6/12/14

Map: There have been at least 74 shootings at schools since Newtown By Nirai Chokshi

 

Parents wait behind police tape for students from Reynolds High School to arrive by bus in Troutdale, Ore. A shooting at the school left one student and the gunman dead, the local police chief said. (Steve Dipaola/Reuters)

Tuesday’s school shooting in Oregon is at least the 74th instance of shots being fired on school grounds or in school buildings since the late-2012 elementary school shooting in Newtown, Conn., according to a list maintained by the group Everytown for Gun Safety, which advocates for policies it believes limit gun violence.

There have been at least 37 shootings on school grounds this year, which is just barely half over. All told, there has been nearly one shooting per week in the year and a half since Newtown.  Everytown identifies a school shooting as any instance in which a firearm was discharged within a school building or on school grounds, sourced to multiple news reports per incident. Therefore, the data isn’t limited to mass shootings like Newtown—it includes assaults, homicides, suicides and even accidental shootings. Of the shootings, 35 took place at a college or university, while 39 took place in K-12 schools.

Georgia, which passed an expansive pro-gun law this year, has been site of the most incidents on Everytown’s list, with 10  shootings reported. Florida was next, with seven. Tennessee claimed five, and North Carolina and California was home to four each. Atlanta was the only city that had three such shootings. Six other cities had two shootings. All told, 31 states are represented on the list of shootings in schools or on school campuses or grounds. 

A February analysis by the group of a list of school shootings since Newtown (which was later expanded) found that nearly half resulted in at least one death. Three in four shooters obtained guns at home, at least in instances in which the firearm’s source could be determined.

Since the December 2012 shooting in Newtown, CT, there have been at least 74 school shootings in America. How many more before our leaders pass common-sense laws to prevent gun violence and save lives?

Communities all over the country live in fear of gun violence. That’s unacceptable. We should feel secure in sending our children to school — comforted by the knowledge that they’re safe.

Here is a list of school shootings since January 2013:

Date

City

State

School Name

School Type

1.

1/08/2013

Fort Myers

FL

Apostolic Revival Center Christian School

K-12

2.

1/10/2013

Taft

CA

Taft Union High School

K-12

3.

1/15/2013

St. Louis

MO

Stevens Institute of Business & Arts

College/University

4.

1/15/2013

Hazard

KY

Hazard Community and Technical College

College/University

5.

1/16/2013

Chicago

IL

Chicago State University

College/University

6.

1/22/2013

Houston

TX

Lone Star College North Harris Campus

College/University

7.

1/31/2013

Atlanta

GA

Price Middle School

K-12

8.

2/1/2013

Atlanta

GA

Morehouse College

College/University

9.

2/7/2013

Fort Pierce

FL

Indian River St. College

College/University

10.

2/13/2013

San Leandro

CA

Hillside Elementary School

K-12

11.

2/27/2013

Atlanta

GA

Henry W. Grady HS

K-12

12.

3/18/2013

Orlando

FL

University of Central Florida

College/University

13.

3/21/2013

Southgate

MI

Davidson Middle School

K-12

14.

4/12/2013

Christianburg

VA

New River Community College

College/University

15.

4/13/2013

Elizabeth City

NC

Elizabeth City State University

College/University

16.

4/15/2013

Grambling

LA

Grambling State University

College/University

17.

4/16/2013

Tuscaloosa

AL

Stillman College

College/University

18.

4/29/2013

Cincinnati

OH

La Salle High School

K-12

19.

6/7/2013

Santa Monica

CA

Santa Monica College

College/University

20.

6/19/2013

W. Palm Beach

FL

Alexander W. Dreyfoos School of the Arts

K-12

21.

8/15/2013

Clarksville

TN

Northwest High School

K-12

22.

8/20/2013

Decatur

GA

Ronald E. McNair Discovery Learning Academy

K-12

23.

8/22/2013

Memphis

TN

Westside Elementary School

K-12

24.

8/23/2013

Sardis

MS

North Panola High School

K-12

25.

8/30/2013

Winston-Salem

NC

Carver High School

K-12

26.

9/21/2013

Savannah

GA

Savannah State University

College/University

27.

9/28/2013

Gray

ME

New Gloucester High School

K-12

28.

10/4/2013

Pine Hills

FL

Agape Christian Academy

K-12

29.

10/15/2013

Austin

TX

Lanier High School

K-12

30.

10/21/2013

Sparks

NV

Sparks Middle School

K-12

31.

11/1/2013

Algona

IA

Algona High/Middle School

K-12

32.

11/2/2013

Greensboro

NC

North Carolina A&T State University

College/University

33.

11/3/2013

Stone Mountain

GA

Stephenson High School

K-12

34.

11/21/2013

Rapid City

SD

South Dakota School of Mines & Technology

College/University

35.

12/4/2013

Winter Garden

FL

West Orange High School

K-12

36.

12/13/2013

Arapahoe County

CO

Arapahoe High School

K-12

37.

12/19/2013

Fresno

CA

Edison High School

K-12

38.

1/9/2014

Jackson

TN

Liberty Technology Magnet HS

K-12

39.

1/14/2014

Roswell

NM

Berrendo Middle School

K-12

40.

1/15/2014

Lancaster

PA

Martin Luther King Jr. ES

K-12

41.

1/17/2014

Philadelphia

PA

Delaware Valley Charter HS

K-12

42.

1/20/2014

Chester

PA

Widener University

College/University

43.

1/21/2014

West Lafayette

IN

Purdue University

College/University

44.

1/24/2014

Orangeburg

SC

South Carolina State University

College/University

45.

1/28/2014

Nashville

TN

Tennessee State University

College/University

46.

1/28/2014

Grambling

LA

Grambling State University

College/University

47.

1/30/2014

Palm Bay

FL

Eastern Florida State College

College/University

48.

1/31/2014

Phoenix

AZ

Cesar Chavez High School

K-12

49.

1/31/2014

Des Moines

IA

North High School

K-12

50.

2/7/2014

Bend

OR

Bend High School

K-12

51.

2/10/2014

Salisbury

NC

Salisbury High School

K-12

52.

2/11/2014

Lyndhurst

OH

Brush High School

K-12

53.

2/12/2014

Jackson

TN

Union University

College/University

54.

2/20/2014

Raytown

MO

Raytown Success Academy

K-12

55.

3/2/2014

Westminster

MD

McDaniel College

College/University

56.

3/7/2014

Tallulah

LA

Madison High School

K-12

57.

3/8/2014

Oshkosh

WI

University of Wisconsin – Oshkosh

College/University

58.

3/21/2014

Newark

DE

University of Delaware

College/University

59.

3/30/2014

Savannah

GA

Savannah State University

College/University

60.

4/3/2014

Kent

OH

Kent State University

College/University

61.

4/7/2014

Roswell

NM

Eastern New Mexico University-Roswell

College/University

62.

4/11/2014

Detroit

MI

East English Village Preparatory Academy

K-12

63.

4/21/2014

Griffith

IN

St. Mary Catholic School

K-12

64.

4/21/2014

Provo

UT

Provo High School

K-12

65.

4/26/2014

Council Bluffs

IA

Iowa Western Community College

College/University

66.

5/2/2014

Milwaukee

WI

Marquette University

College/University

67.

5/3/2014

Everett

WA

Horizon Elementary School

K-12

68.

5/4/2014

Augusta

GA

Paine College

College/University

69.

5/5/2014

Augusta

GA

Paine College

College/University

70.

5/8/2014

Georgetown

KY

Georgetown College

College/University

71.

5/8/2014

Lawrenceville

GA

Georgia Gwinnett College

College/University

72.

5/21/2014

Milwaukee

WI

Clark Street School

K-12

73.

6/5/2014

Seattle

WA

Seattle Pacific University

College/University

74.

6/10/2014

Troutdale

OR

Reynolds High School

K-12

Who tends to be the shooter?

 1. Men commit most school shootings

All but one of the mass murders in the U.S. over the last 30 years has been committed by men. The fact that gender is often omitted from the story speaks to how we still see the masculine as the irreproachable and invisible standard. As Michael Kimmel notes in his extensive research on school shootings, if the genders were reversed and most school shootings were committed by women, you'd bet gender would be part of the analysis.

We often instead shift the conversation to "mental illness" and describe shooters as madmen, while the characteristics they exhibit are often an extension of toxic masculinity ideals that are institutionally reinforced.

Details are still emerging, but according to the Daily Kos, Elliot Rodger subscribed to many Men's Rights Activists' (MRA) websites and may have adopted their radical ideology about women. The comments that motivated his killing spree were not far from many of the ones that are openly made by men in those communities. Even in the aftermath of the tragedy in Santa Barbara, a pick-up artist group (many of which often classify as MRAs) left a horrendous comment publicizing their services, as if their view of entitlement to women were valid in the

2. Most school shooters are white

School shooters aren't just mostly male, they are also overwhelmingly white. Over the course of the last three decades, 90% of school shootings in high-school or elementary school settings were committed by someone white. As Michael Kimmel notes, white men who commit mass shootings want to take their own life as well as the lives of others around them. Kimmel describes this as a video-game-esque ploy where the shooters thinks, "If I'm going to die, then so is everybody else, they seem to say."

To talk about these crimes as simply rooted in mental illness is short-sighted. "Yes, of course, this is mental illness speaking: but it is mental illness speaking with a voice that has a race and a gender," explains Kimmel.

3. Most victims of school shootings are female

Although it's rarely addressed by the media, most victims of school shootings are female. Indeed, according to a blogger at RadFem Reader who compiled the sex of school shootings, female students are twice as likely to be injured than male students, but news outlets often rarely even bother to give the sex of those who were injured.

Although we often talk about the fact that men perpetuate most violent acts, we rarely acknowledge the other side of that equation: Women are most often victimized by men.

4. Many school shooters target females who have rejected them in the past

A study that looked at 15 school shootings between 1995 and 2001 found that romantic rejection was a common feature in most gun-related incidents. It is not uncommon for perpetrators to target ex-girlfriends or classmates who have refused advances. Elliot Rodger cited this frustration openly and specifically went after "sluts" who weren't interested in him.

 

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. May 10, 2014. Portland. Oregon.

 

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How to Behave in Ireland!

For the most part Irish people are relaxed and laid back and welcome all visitors warmly. But it’s useful when visiting a foreign country to have some idea of how things are normally done – it helps to avoid misunderstandings and to smooth social interaction.

Meeting & Greeting: Talking to People

 

Keep it casual is the best advice when meeting people in Ireland. Irish people are naturally gregarious and talkative and will happily chat with total strangers, falling easily into conversation while waiting for a bus, standing in line in a store or traveling on a train.

The preferred topic of conversation in such situations is often the weather – there is always plenty to discuss when it comes to Ireland’s weather!  Unless you are prepared to be disagreed with and to engage in lively debate, it’s probably best to avoid politics. This is especially true if you are American and want to talk US politics – Irish people not only have strong views about domestic politics but are generally well informed and up for a good argument about US politics too.

Avoid being overly critical of anything in the local area. People are very proud of their place and don’t like to hear it criticised by ‘outsiders’ – even if they will happily moan about the very same things among themselves! The upside is that most people are pleased to be asked for recommendations about things to do and see in the locality, giving good advice about places to eat or to find entertainment, and will often go out of their way to ensure you get the best from your visit to their home town.

People will frequently say “hello” or “nice day” or just nod and smile a greeting when passing a stranger on the street, though obviously not so much in more crowded places! This should not be seen as an attempt to start a conversation – just smile back, return the greeting and carry on.

 

Handshake or Kiss?

When first meeting someone or on encountering an acquaintance, people may shake hands or not even do that on informal occasions – a friendly greeting is often enough.

Relatives and close friends often kiss each other on one or both cheeks, continental style, a habit that is becoming more widespread in recent years, but this would not be the norm when greeting strangers.

The Finger Twitch

When driving on narrow country roads, where cars are few and speeds are low, drivers meeting an oncoming vehicle will acknowledge the other motorist by raising a hand or a finger from the steering wheel in salutation. It doesn’t necessarily mean they know the driver of the other car, they’ll greet everyone this way and a response in kind is expected.

In the Pub: Observing Custom

 

The pub in Ireland is more than somewhere you go to drink, it’s a meeting place and there will generally be regular customers present who know each other well, even if this isn’t immediately evident to someone walking in for the first time.  This is particularly the case in rural pubs, less so in very large pubs in towns and cities. However people in pubs are there for the social occasion and are so are happy to talk to visitors and to include them in conversation.

How to Order & Pay

Most pubs do not have table service. You go to the bar, order and pay for your drinks and can then chose to remain at the bar to drink them or take them to a table. In larger pubs, especially in cities and at busy times, and in pubs where food is served, table service may be available, but you can still choose to go to the bar and order yourself.

There is no tab system in Irish bars. You are expected to pay for your drinks as and when they are ordered. The exception is in a hotel where you are resident, where you can add them to your room bill.

Where to sit?

As a general rule of thumb if you sit (or stand) at the counter other customers are likely to strike up a conversation with you, if you take your drinks to a quiet table in the corner they will leave you alone.

Standing Your Round

 

When in the company of a group of people in a pub, a system of ’rounds’ is traditionally used, whereby each person in turn will buy, or offer to buy, a drink for all others in the company.  It is not the done thing to just buy yourself a drink without making the offer to buy one for everyone else – those who fail to do so risk being looked upon as mean and unsociable. Possibly the most damning thing an Irish person can say about someone is that they ‘never stand their round’.

While it is quite acceptable to turn down the offer of a drink when someone else is buying a round – just say ‘I’m alright, thanks’ – you don’t get to skip your turn just because you are not thirsty!  The best advice for dealing with the rounds system is to get in with your offer to buy as early as you possibly can – come in with your offer (“Can I get you a drink?”) just before the fastest drinker in the party has emptied their glass. Otherwise you can end up drinking a lot more than you intended to while waiting for your turn to come – and you daren’t leave before it does unless you want to earn an instant reputation for meanness!

Tipping in Ireland: When & How Much

 

Tipping is not as universal a practice in Ireland as it is elsewhere. Most restaurants apply a service charge which theoretically replaces the tip, but if service has been good an additional tip of about 10-15% is about right.

Some more casual restaurants have a plate or bowl at the cash desk where you can leave a tip to be distributed among all the staff. Unlike the situation in the USA, wait staff do not depend on tips for their income, though they certainly appreciate acknowledgment of a job well done.

Taxi drivers, hairdressers, spa staff and others are generally tipped about 10%. Hotel porters and room service staff will usually expect something round €2-€5 depending on the extent of the service provided.

Drivers/guides on tour buses are usually tipped at the end of a trip, sometimes with a communal tip collected from all of those on the tour. The amount is up to the individual, and will depend on the length of the tour and the quality of the service.  Owners of B&Bs do not expect to be tipped, nor do they expect gifts.

Tipping in Pubs

Tipping staff in pubs is a special case. While staff who bring drinks to a table may be given a small tip, those serving from behind the counter don’t expect tips and if you leave money on the counter will probably assume you have forgotten to pick up your change and return it to you.

If you do want to give a tip to bar staff, the polite way is to hand over a sum of money approximately equal to the price of a pint of beer while saying something like “Have one for yourself later” – theoretically you are not giving a tip, you are buying a drink at some future time, which is far more acceptable.

Smoking in Public Places

 

Since March 2004 it has been illegal to smoke in any enclosed public space, which includes bars, restaurants, shops, offices, public transport, cinemas – pretty much all indoor places except your home or a designated smoking bedroom in a hotel.  The ban on smoking brought with it a massive increase in sales of awnings and patio heaters as pubs made arrangements for their smoking customers to enjoy an outdoor cigarette in some level of comfort – many pubs, hotels and restaurants how have designated areas for this purpose.

Don’t be tempted to try to beat the smoking ban by lighting up indoors and pleading ignorance, it will not be tolerated by those around you and there are hefty fines for transgressors.

Religious Customs

 

Irish people are not as observant of religious practice today as they were in the past and regular attendance at church services have been falling for quite a few years. Many people now attend primarily for ‘hatches, matches and dispatches’, rarely entering a church at other times.

However you will still commonly see people make the sign of the cross when passing a church or a graveyard, and hear people say things like “God bless” for “Goodbye”, or “God speed” for “bon voyage”. A few will sprinkle holy water on departing cars, or even people, to keep them safe on their journey!

 

Funerals in Ireland are very public occasions and you may come across one in your travels. It is traditional for people to walk behind the hearse as it goes to the church or graveyard and there can be hundreds, occasionally even thousands, of people walking in procession in this way when a funeral is taking place.

It is expected that anyone walking or driving on the street at the time will stop and remain stationary while the funeral procession passes, shops may turn out their lights or temporarily close their doors and bystanders will bless themselves or say a quiet prayer.

Dress Code in Churches

No special dress code is required for entering churches, such as applies in some parts of continental Europe, but you are expected to be quiet and respectful and particularly so if a service is taking place during your visit.

Cursing & Swearing

Many visitors are a little shocked to hear how often Irish people say “Jesus” or “God” in everyday conversation, not in a prayerful way but as an expression of surprise, frustration or annoyance. However it sounds this isn’t intended in a blasphemous way, it’s just a sort of verbal tick that has become habitual for many.

The use of “the F word” is also very common in public, it’s even, strange though it may seem, often used in a friendly way. Just ignore it, for the most part it isn’t meant to shock or to be interpreted as an aggressive thing, it’s just a very unfortunate national habit.

A Final Plea…

Please, Do not greet people with “Top of the morning” or say goodbye to them with “May the road rise to meet you”!

Nobody, Irish outside of a bad movie has ever said any of these things, or used any of dozens of other so-called ‘Irish sayings’ in normal conversation, and they make our teeth curl.

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show AM 860 KPAM.  Portland, Oregon.  June 04, 2014

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5/14/14

Top Irish inventions that changed the world

Here are just the top ten most surprising and influential.

1. Guinness

Well maybe this isn't so surprising but its popularity and longevity have made it Ireland's most successful and recognisable export.  Undoubtedly the most famous Irish export throughout the world.  Drunk around the globe and loved by millions, its Guinness.

Arthur Guinness began brewing Guinness in Leixlip, County Kildare before transferring to St. Jame’s Gate Brewery.  In 1759 he signed a 9,000 year lease at £45 per year. That’s how confident he was in his product.  Now, 251 years on, the best selling alcoholic drink of all time boasts of sales exceeding $2.6 billion. To Arthur, Slainte!

2. Color photography

Certainly one of Ireland’s most prolific inventors, John Joly was responsible for meldometer for measuring the melting points of minerals, the steam calorimeter for measuring specific heats, and the photometer for measuring light intensity and use of radiation for cancer treatment.

What he is most known for however is the invention of color photography. In 1894 this Irish genius from Hollywood, County Offaly found a successful way of producing color photographs from a single plate. He changed the way we see the world.

3. Trans-Atlantic calls

It’s a long way from Skype but it was an Irishman who was knighted for his work in establishing the Atlantic Telegraph Cable in 1865. Lord Kelvin Thomson helped to lay the cable which stretched from Newfoundland to Valentia in County Cork.  He also had a very keen interest in the measurement of temperature and thermodynamics which led to the scale of temperature, “The Kelvin Scale”.

4. A cure for Leprosy

This one I’m especially thankful for. It was an Irish man who accidently discovered a cure for leprosy while he was looking for answer to Ireland’s tuberculosis problem. What a lucky mistake.  Vincent Barry made this accidental and miraculous discovery, with the catchy title of compound B663. This compound would go on to cure 15 million people of this devastating disease. 

5. The modern tractor

“The Mad Mechanic”, Harry Ferguson was responsible for the original Ferguson System of tractor. It was patented by the mad inventor in 1926 and is the same basic design for a modern tractor that is used today.  This County Down loony also invented his own motor cycle, race car and plane and in 1909 he was the first Irishman to fly. Originally a bicycle repairman he even built himself the first ever four-wheeled Formula-One car.  His name lives on in the Massey Ferguson company.

6. The submarine

This man probably took a lot of slake for this invention…an underwater boat? We’ll believe it when we see it!   As it happens back in 1881, in County Clare, John Philip Holland was the first person to successfully launch a submarine. The first of its kind, it was called the “Fenian Ram”. By 1900 the U.S. Navy was formally commissioning the production. 

7. The tank

From Blackrock, Dublin in 1911, came the world’s first armored tank.  When, the then Home Secretary in Britain, Winston Churchill commissioned the design of a vehicle “capable of resisting bullets and shrapnel, crossing trenches, flattening barbed wire, and negotiating the mud of no-man’s land” this is what our Dublin boy came up with.  The World Wars might have been very different without his invention. Though modern tanks might look entirely different to his original designs the essential “battle buggy” remains exactly the same.

8. Guided missile

It’s strange that such a peace loving people seem to have had a good head for army equipment. From Castlebar, County Mayo, Louis Brennan invented the guided missile. This stealth torpedo was used as a costal defensive mechanism.  Brennan is also credited with inventing the first helicopter however his prototype crashed and burnt in 1925. 

9. Ejector seat

It is rather worrying that it was Irishmen who came up with the first functioning helicopter (Louis Brennan) and also the first ejector seat.  In 1945 Sir James Martin tested out his device on a dummy, a wise choice. The following year a man called Bernard Lynch became the first live tester of the County Down man’s invention.  It was soon adopted by the Royal Air force as a standard safety device.

10. Apparatus for whiskey distilling

A Dublin chap with a very exotic name, Aeneas Coffey, came up with the world first heat-exchange device in 1830. This might not sound like that big a deal but this very efficient little piece of equipment led to huge advances in distilling, including whiskey. 

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show AM 860 KPAM.  Portland, Oregon.  May 13, 2014

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5/08/14

"Irish pubs for dummies (Or, how to behave in 'em) "

By CONN CORRIGAN @irishcentral March 11,2009 09:55 AM

The pub is the center of the social universe in Ireland. It's much more than just a drinking place - it's where families mark births, deaths, birthdays and Christenings,  and where sports fans come to cheer on their teams. Many an Irish couple first met one another in the pub.

When tourists come to Ireland, they often spend a lot of their time in pubs - so the possibilities for pub etiquette misunderstandings are endless. There are a number of practices to be aware of. With this in mind, Irish Central has come up with a guide to pub etiquette, to help avoid red faces all round!

Rounds Culture

If you're out with Irish people in Ireland, you'll certainly be offered a drink as one person usually goes to the bar for everyone. This is called "getting your round in." But be warned: that offer is on the unspoken condition that you return the favor.

The problem is that no-one will remind you when it’s your turn. And if you forget to get your round in,  people will start talking about what an asshole you are behind your back.

Probably the worst thing you can do in a pub in Ireland (aside from singing a few bars of “God Save the Queen”) is shirking from the responsibility of rounds.

Do this once, and it will take years to redeem yourself. When it comes to drinks – and indeed most things – the Irish have long memories. (Even if these memories are somewhat unreliable, dulled as they are by alcohol.)

Couples are TWO Units!

An important point for couples to note: just because you are together, and you love one another very much, doesn’t mean you are a single entity when it comes to drinking. (Unless of course, you are sharing the same drink.) For the purposes of rounds you are two, distinct people. Meaning you both, not just the boyfriend, have to get a round in.

Tipping

Tipping in pubs in Ireland is generally only necessary if you have table service. Even then, it’s not as much as in the U.S. Don’t feel bad about tipping less while in Ireland. Remember the person serving you is probably on a decent wage – the minimum wage in Ireland is over $11 per hour. Certainly, if you go to the bar yourself and order drinks – and the majority of bars in Ireland don’t have table service – there is no need to tip.

Children

Especially in rural areas, where there are music sessions on, the pub is a place that all the family enjoy. So don't bother complaining to the barman if you see kids running around the place.

Closing Times

Ireland’s pub closing times are confusing. During the week, pubs serve until 11.30 pm. On Fridays and Saturdays, it's 12.30 am. And on Sunday, it's 11.00 pm. In all cases, there is a half hour "drinking up time." At the weekends, because most of the pubs close at the same time, the towns and cities get very crowded at about 1.00 am - making it a challenge to get a taxi home.

Some pubs have a late license allowing them to serve until 2.30 am, the same time as nightclubs must stop serving.

In additon, pubs actually close completely on Good Friday and Christmas Day so be prepared for long lines at the liquor store on Holy Thursday and Christmas Eve. However, there are exceptions; if you're staying in a hotel or traveling on a train on Good Friday you can buy a drink.

Up until 2000, pubs had to close from 2-4 pm on Sundays – the so-called “Holy Hour.” The bizarre thing was that as long as you were already inside the bar before 2 pm you were could stay – the bar just couldn’t let anyone in during these hours.

Do’s and don’ts of Pub etiquette

1.   Do take your time and relax, hey your on vacation.

2. Do buy a round, If bought a drink return the favor, it’s expected.

3. Do wait to be invited into conversation.

4. Do laugh and enjoy a good chat.

5. Do stay at a hotel or B&B with a Pub, customers have access to the bar after hours.

6. Do remember you are not Irish, people born in Ireland are Irish. Example I am from Chicago, I am an American with an Irish surname.

7. Don’t talk about the troubles, do feign ignorance.

8. Don’t expect the locals to put on a show for you, you are a guest act accordingly.

9. Don’t demand service, be polite. Thank yous are appreciated.

10. Don’t expect music in small towns, the tourist spots have trad music to, well, attract tourist.

The Pubs are the best institutions in Ireland, you have some of the best chats with all types of people, and remember, use proper pub etiquette and it never rains in the Pub.

Another peculiar law concerning drinking in Ireland, is that technically, it’s an offense to be drunk in public. Just thought you should know.

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd's World Radio Show. May 07, 2014. Portland, Oregon from Swingford Ireland. 

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4/30/14

Bingo!  The Importance of the Game of Bingo to the Irish!    By Irish History .com

Bingo has a long and rich history in Ireland, dating all the way back to the 16th century.

The origins of bingo are thought to come from the Italian National Lottery – Lo Giuoco del Lotto d’Italia – which was founded in 1530 with the unification of the Italian state.  It is still running today.

A bingo style spread to France and Ireland in about 1778 press report saying that Le Lotto was one of the favored pastimes of the intellectual classes.  It was at this time that the classic Lotto became bingo and the bingo card format was established, with three horizontal rows and nine vertical rows with each horizontal row having five numbered squares and four blank ones.  Each vertical row contained a range of ten numbers.  No two cards in Bingo were identical.  Players were given markers to cover their numbers as each one was drawn from a cloth bag.  The winner would be the first person to cover all their numbers.  It is in fact remarkable how little bingo has changed in more than 300 years! Bingo’s popularity spread across Europe in the 19th century and more specifically to Ireland.  Bingo also came to America in the 1920s.

Bingo for Profit

Bingo is an expanding and highly profitable business, with many companies competing for the customers' money.  The largest companies in the world with bingo halls are in Ireland.  In Ireland bingo clubs, where the laws governing bingo games are different from in England, Scotland and Wales, it is common, when playing "parti bingo" for the caller to announce that a position or "card" has won, and ending the game, without the participation of the person playing. This enables the customer to play more positions in hope of a better chance of winning.

Today’s Bingo in Ireland is Electronic Bingo

Most bingo clubs in the Ireland now offer electronic bingo.  This allows players to purchase more than the standard 6 tickets per game, thus increasing their chances of winning.  Customers purchase 'bingo packages', consisting of a certain number of tickets for each game, as well as extra flyers or special tickets such as National Bingo Game tickets.  The electronic terminal on which the game is played automatically marks the numbers off the tickets when each number is called. It then orders the tickets so that the best tickets in play can be seen on the screen.  This allows players to purchase a larger number of tickets than they would usually be able to handle from playing on paper.  Of course, the cost of electronic bingo is proportionally higher than playing the standard 6 tickets.   In order to encourage more customers to play electronic bingo, clubs usually sell 'Electronic Bingo Packages' which effectively makes the cost of each ticket better value for money. For example, if a club was selling strips of 6 for $12 for a session, which corresponds to $2 per ticket, then they may sell an Electronic Bingo Package of 24 tickets for $36; $1.50 per ticket.

How important is Bingo in Ireland?

Total number of Bingo games played in Ireland daily are100,000!

Average money won per games is $60.00!

Bingo games are played in pubs, churches, and online.

Monies earned by the country of Ireland?

Approximately Bingo games bring in $754,000.00 million dollars each year to Ireland with a total payout of $408,000.00 million dollars to winners in Ireland with a total net profit to the country of $346,000 million dollars each year!

So there you have it, the importance of the game of Bingo to the Irish!  If you’re feeling the luck of the Irish, join in a game of Bingo today.  You could find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!

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4/23/14

Top 5 Irish Myths and Legends

By Shell Harris on March 17, 2011

Ireland’s long history is riddled with ancient mythology and folklore.  Ireland’s ancient societies, the Druids and the Celtics, believed in the power of magic and many of these beliefs spread to modern day legends told again and again across the country.  Stories of warriors with all the knowledge of the world, fairies playing pranks on farm owners and leprechauns hiding their gold at the end of a rainbow add to the mysterious appeal of Ireland.

5.  The Banshee

The Banshee was a woman who carried with her an omen of death.  Sometimes you saw the Banshee as an old woman dressed in rags, sometimes you saw her as a young and beautiful girl and sometimes you saw her as a wash woman, ringing out bloody clothing.  Whenever she was seen, she let out a horrible cry and legend has it this cry brought death to any family that heard it. King James I of Scotland thought he was approached by a Banshee.  Shortly after, he died at the Earl of Atholl.

4. Changelings

As legend has it, female fairies often give birth to deformed children.  Since the fairies prefer visually pleasing babies, they would go into the mortal world and swap with a healthy human baby, leaving behind a changeling.  While the changeling looked like a human baby, it carried none of the same emotional characteristics.  The changeling was only happy when misfortune or grief happened in the house.  The changeling legend has lasted for centuries. William Shakespeare talks of a changeling in his play, “A Midsummer’s Night Dream.”  Three hundred years later, Scarlett O’Hara believed Rhett Butler’s illegitimate child was a changeling in “Gone with the Wind.”

3. St. Patrick

To most people, St. Patrick is the man who brought a day of good times and green beer to pubs across the world. In reality, St. Patrick wasn’t made a saint until centuries after his death and he wasn’t even Irish. St. Patrick was born in Britain to a wealthy family.  During his childhood, he was kidnapped and sold into slavery in Ireland.  During his years in slavery he converted to Christianity and once freed he did spend the rest of his life teaching the Irish about the Christian religion, but he was soon forgotten after his death.   It wasn’t until many years later that monks began telling the tale of St. Patrick forcing all the snakes out of Ireland.  Something he never could have done as there never were any snakes in Ireland.

2. The Shamrock

The three green leaves of the Shamrock is more than the unofficial symbol of Ireland and one of the marshmallows in Lucky Charms.  The Shamrock has held meaning to most of Ireland’s historic cultures.  The Druids believed the Shamrock was a sacred plant that could ward off evil. The Celtics believed the Shamrock had mystical properties due to the plant’s three heart-shaped leaves.  The Celtics believed three was a sacred number.  Some Christians also believed the Shamrock had special meaning- the three leaves representing the Holy Trinity – God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.

1. Leprechauns

The leprechaun is likely the most widely known type of fairy living in Ireland.  Leprechauns have been in existence in Irish legend since the medieval times.  Traditionally, leprechauns are tall fairies and often appear to humans as an old man – much different from the modern view of a small, childlike fairy in a green suit.  As legend holds, Leprechauns love to collect gold, which they store in a pot and hide at the end of a rainbow.  If a human catches a leprechaun, the fairy must grant the human three-wishes before he can be released.  If a Leprechaun knocks on your door, it’s the law that you must share half your dinner with him!

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, April 23, 2014. Portland. Oregon from Kenmare, Ireland!

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4/16/14

15 Crazy Wacky Laws in Dublin You Just Won’t Believe!  By staycity.com/blog/category-dublin

Every country and city in the world has a set of laws that either make you laugh or raise your eyebrows in wonder.  And, Ireland, and Dublin has a fair share of those.  I suppose many of the laws below are a pure fiction, myths that have been passed, often from one generation to another. Yet still, they are fun to read.

So, if you are planning a trip to Dublin, get yourself accustomed to some of the funniest laws you might have to adhere to while in the city and make sure that you remember to adhere to the following:

General Public:

Law: It is illegal to be drunk in a pub.Unbelievable but true…. apparently …. and … never seen to be executed.

Law: It is illegal to smoke tobacco on Grafton Street. The funny thing about this law is that two main tobacco shops in the city are located exactly on Grafton Street.  This is another law that never seems to be executed.

Law: If a Leprechaun calls at your door you must, by law, give him a share of your dinner.No choice.

Law: Holders of the freedom of Dublin have the right to pasture sheep on common ground within the city boundaries. The law was gladly executed by Bono and The Edge of U2 couple years ago.  However, some say that by doing so they accidentally broke the law at the same time as you are only allowed to graze your own sheep, not borrowed ones.

 Law: You can drive around on public roads without ever proving your competency at driving.  I am not going to comment on that one, come and see for yourself.

Law: The Tippling Act 1735 prohibits a publican from pursuing a customer for money owed for any drink given on credit.  The law pretty much explains why you can never get a drink on credit in Ireland.

Law: It is illegal to conduct nuclear tests in the city. This law from 2006 clearly states that: “A person who carries out, or causes the carrying out of, a nuclear explosion in the State shall be guilty of an offense.”

Law: Crossing a railway track on a bicycle is illegal whereas you can drive across it legally.You are still supposed to dismount and walk your bike across at a level crossing.

Law: It is illegal to perform any form of witchcraft in the city. Sorry….

Students:

Students have their fair share in enjoying some of the craziest laws, a honor they seem to be rarely entertaining though.  If you are coming to the city to study, particularly at the Trinity College make sure that you remember about the following:

Law: In Trinity College, students can demand a glass of wine during the exam.  Another version of the law states that they have to wear a sword though, which makes it a little more complicated, however ties in with the next law regarding the student body.

Law: It is illegal for a student to walk through Trinity College without a sword.Unfortunately, I have never noticed this law to be executed though, sadly.

Law: You can shoot someone and kill them from the top of the bell tower in Trinity on a particular day of the year and not be charged with murder. Apparently this is true! However, it is impossible to find out what day of the year it is….

Crazy Past Laws:

There is also a number of past laws in Ireland that today raise your eyebrows in wonder.  Some of the best ones include:

Law: It is illegal to operate a flashing amber beacon on an agricultural tractor (and many other vehicles). Another source claims that this law is still active. 

Law: (by [Henry VIII): a pilot of a ship who runs aground in Dublin Bay will be blinded as punishment for their incompetence.

Law: The penalty for suicide was death by hanging.Origin: 1964

There are of course different variations of the above laws and most likely, many of them are more legend than any actual laws but it is still interesting that someone would think of anything like that.

And, since there is no proof that those laws are definitely only a tale, then beware when you place your feet on an Irish soil!

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, April 16, 2014. Portland, Oregon – while in Dublin, Ireland.

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4/09/14

7 Things Every Man Should Know About Irish Women And 4 Things Every Woman Should Know About Irish Men!By, snoozeulooze.wordpress.com

Fir, not a tree, but the Irish for "men" - you may find this as an identifier on toilet doors. Which can be quite confusing if not accompanied by a pictorial device or a translation. Especially as the next important word to remember is ...   Mná,not a misspelling of "man" but the Irish for "women". Again this is used as an identifier on toilet doors, mainly in the West of Ireland. The similarity of mná and "man" can lead to embarrassing situations.

Ah us women – we truly are a complicated bunch! Now it is true that us women possess deep and complex minds with thoughts and ideas so profound that no man can even begin to comprehend them, but here is a simple guide for you men to enable you to understand your woman and maybe get lucky!

 

7 Things Every Man Should Know About Irish Women.  Consider this your new Bible!

1. When we say; “We just want a cuddle” – we mean exactly that! - We just want a cuddle! Sometimes all we want is to get into the most fleecy pj’s we own and curl up on the couch with our man’s arms around us. No sneaky attempts to ‘cop a feel’ wanted! If we want more action – don’t worry we will let you know!

2. We like our men rugged and masculine!Now I’m not saying we want bulging muscles and guns of steel but we want our men to look after themselves! A little maniscaping is good but don’t go OTT on it – a little hair on the chest is a good thing and under no circumstances do you pluck your eyebrows (unless it’s to get rid of a uni-brow – then that’s acceptable). We like our men to look good but not to look too feminine or girly – that’s a complete turn off!

3. On a first pub hanging – we expect you to pay. We may offer but we don’t expect you to take us up on it! This is a very important factor and can determine whether a second hanging and even sex is in the cards.

4. Shaving legs is a complete pain! In the early stages of a relationship our legs will be silky smooth one hundred percent of the time.  But be warned – once we have reeled you in the occasional bit of stubble may appear on our legs or even full out growth of hair!  We are normal natural ladies and surprise we do have hair on our legs (and other places too!)

5. Sometimes it’s just lovely to be surprised with the offered a cup of tea and your favorite chocolate bar as a surprise – no strings attached!  We girls love surprises – especially the little daily ones however, our Irish men rarely give surprises.  One way to get us frisky are surprizes!

6. Girls like a bit of old-fashioned chivalry.All that’s required is that men open the door for their lady and allow her to walk through first. Easy peasy! Oh and standing up when she arrives into a restaurant is a must.  Chivalrous without going overboard gets us into bed with you!

7.  Don’t diss our girlfriends.They have been around longer than you and more than likely are going to stand the test of time and be around long after you have gone too! It’s OK for us to have a little rant about our closest girlfriends every now and then but you do not have the right to wade in on this. Just remain tight-lipped and nod politely – it’s far safer for you! Besides, you might5 be surprised to find out how our girlfriends can be a great information source to you about your woman.

Now for the Irish Men!

1.For men, a relationship is basically a gravy train of sex. So once we’re in one, we tend to be pretty malleable about most other things. But you can only push a man so far. One of the local men told me in a pub that he “once broke up with a girl for making me go on the Dublin ghost bus tour.  I have me limits.”

2.When a man is in a relationship, he doesn’t discuss his sex life with his friends. I’m not sure why, he just doesn’t.

3.Every man secretly thinks he’s the best in the world at something. Be kind, don’t burst our bubble.

4.Finally, don’t EVER look at our internet browsing history. Ever. Not even if you think there’s a chance it could avert a nuclear holocaust. Just trust me on this one.

So there you have it boys and girls – not too difficult to decipher at all. Now just adopt the above as a mantra and recite it each morning to your reflection in the mirror (not creepy at all!)

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, April 9, 2014. Portland. Oregon.

 

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4/02/14

11 Cool Facts You Didn’t Know About Dublin, Ireland. By: Anna Fleet on Thursday, May 23rd, 2013 @ 1:44 pm

Ireland’s beautiful, lively capital is friendly for a large city. It’s a place of decadence, revelry, and it packs quite the alcohol-soaked punch if you plan to spend it drinking in the world-renowned city pubs. However, there’s more to Dublin than a keg of Guinness. In fact, the city boasts a rich music, art, culture, and literary history that is still alive today.

Here are eleven cool facts that you probably didn’t know about Dublin, Ireland…

1. Dublin Natives

Or “Dubliners”, speak “Dublinese”, a mix of Dublin slang and curse words like this phrase: “I’m on the lash,” which translates to “I’m out drinking!”

2. What’s in a Name?

Dublin or “Dubh Linn” is an Old Irish Gaelic phrase that translates to “Black Pool”.

3. Famous Dubliners

Celebrated city natives include play write and Nobel Prize laureate, George Bernard Shaw, and writer and poet, James Joyce.

4. A Viking Settlement

Dublin was founded by Vikings, who settled in what they called the “Norse Kingdom of Dublin” in the 9th century.

5. City Size

The city of Dublin covers a land area of 44.5 square miles.

6. Trinity College Grads

Dublin’s famous Trinity College boasts many celebrated graduates—including Oscar Wilde, Jonathan Swift, and Bram Stoker (who wrote Dracula).

7. Youthful Population

Dublin has the youngest population in all of Europe. Approximately 50-percent of the population is less than 25-years of age.

8. Pubs, Pubs, and More Pubs

The City of Dublin contains 666 licensed pubs—and the legal drinking age is 18!

9. The City’s Oldest Drinking Hole

Dublin’s oldest known pub is the Brazen Head, established in 1198 AD as a coach house.

10. Ireland’s National Treasure

Ireland’s National Treasure is “The Book of Kells”, a sacred manuscript, which consists of the Four Gospels of the New Testament. The beautiful, gold book was made by Celtic Monks around 800 AD, and today lies in the Trinity College Library.

11. Always a Full Pint

There are 10-million pints of Guinness produced daily in Dublin.

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, April 02, 2014. Portland. Oregon.

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3/27/14

5 Reasons Why Every Woman Needs a Girls Weekend by Abby Draper, Huff Post Women.  March 25, 2014

You know when Big stands Carrie up at the altar and it's just the worst, so the girls take her to Mexico (and Charlotte sh*ts her pants)?   While spending time with your significant other, children if applicable, colleagues and acquaintances is wonderful and important, every woman needs a good "girls weekend" every so often, at any age.   It doesn't have to be anything fancy or elaborate, but a simple few days away from the norm with some women you trust is a special kind of cleanse, especially when you're going through a tough time.   Why?

Here are 5 reasons every woman needs a girls weekend:

1. Total vulnerability.  You don't have to wear makeup, or shower, or shave your legs if you don't want to.   Feeling super insecure about those five pounds you can't lose?   No one cares, let it all hang out.   Want to sit in the middle of the living room, holding a bottle of wine and cry your head off?   This is the time to do it.

2. No judgment.  Ready for a second bottle of wine?   So is everyone else in the room.   Fart in your sleep?   Giggles ensue.   Feel like spending the morning naked?   Go for it.   No one cares, it's amazing.   I will never forget a morning of a girls weekend where I was sitting in the middle of the kitchen, drinking a mimosa, naked, while blow-drying my hair.   Everyone laughed, and now it's a hilarious tradition and fond memory.

3. Complete relaxation.  I've spent entire mornings during a girls’ weekend, sitting in a robe on the couch reading a gossip magazine next to five other women who haven't said a word to each other.   Bliss.  Usually there is some sort of spa treatment during a girls weekend, some comfort food, a nice hike or a bike ride through a vineyard.  Totally refreshing.

4. Pure honesty.  Whether you're the one opening up or the one suggesting a potential solution, you don't have to bullsh*t any of it.   Hate your job because your boss is miserably awful to you? Haven't had sex with your boyfriend or husband in a month?   Decided to get Botox?   Let it all out, girl, because everyone there gets it.

5. Boy talk.  If you're 12, 25, 40 or 75, boy talk never gets old.   Single?   Share your crushes. Have amazing sex?   We know you want to talk about every single detail, and your girls want to hear them.   All of them.   Is he driving you crazy?   Ugh, let's bitch about it until you feel better.

Can't get away for a weekend?   Have a sleepover in the city you live in.   Can't go far?   There is likely a different city with a hotel or a cute B&B close to you that may even have a Groupon deal.   So ladies, call your girlfriends and plan your next girls weekend.   Cheers.

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, October 09, 2013. Portland. Oregon.

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3/19/14

Top 10: Cruel Things Women Do To Men,

Yes, Women Really Can Mess With Our Heads!  By Emily Miller

 Men get plenty of blame for being promiscuous and superficial when it comes to women, but let's face it -- women are guilty of their share of nasty shenanigans, too. Here are 10 ways that women can be uniquely cruel to guys. If your lady-friend is resorting to any of this type of behavior, you should feel free to call her out on it and refuse to put up with it. 

10. They Don't Pick Up the Phone

You convinced her to give you her number and you’re feeling good about yourself. Your charm and good looks have obviously made an impression on her. Unfortunately, when you try to call, she doesn’t pick up or, worse yet, she’s given you a fake number. Some women will give you their numbers because it’s easier than trying to tell you why she’s not interested. It would save everyone a whole lot of time if women were just honest from the get-go about whether they're interested or not. Is our pride wounded? Yes. But we can take it.

9. They Use Men for Free Drinks

Some women go out never planning to spend any of their own money on drinks at the bar or club. Yes, some guys encourage this type of behavior by trying to buy attention from women, but for those of us who'd rather be judged on our merits than on our wallets, this type of situation is incredibly frustrating. We're happy to buy a woman a drink if moved to do so -- but it shouldn't be her whole purpose for talking to us.

8. They Use Men as Placeholders

Maybe you’ve been in a relationship for a while and you notice that her eye is starting to wander. She’s starting more fights with you or not bothering to fight at all anymore. Her friends get quiet when you walk into a room. She’s avoiding your phone calls. Her things are disappearing from your place. 

If she's a decent person, she’ll just get it over with and dump you already, but if she’s cruel, she’ll hold on to you for a while until somebody new comes along. Some women don’t like to be alone, so instead of putting you out of your misery and ending it, they’ll string you along until she meets someone to replace you. If she’s really heartless, she’ll start things up with him before she’s finalized the breakup with you.

7. They Emotionally Manipulate Men

Most men hate the sight of a crying woman, and some women will take advantage of this by using the threat of tears to get what they want. Yes, if we didn't have such a strong aversion to tears in the first place, maybe this situation wouldn't present itself, but here we are in 2013, and a lot of women need to do little more than shed a tear and a guy's on his knees. If this happens to you, keep a cool head and try to talk it out. 

6. They Use Physical Violence

Men are usually raised to never hit a woman. Unfortunately, there are some women who use this aspect of a man’s social conditioning to gain power over him. In the minds of these women, it’s perfectly acceptable to slap a boyfriend across the face when he says something that pisses her off. Confident that he would never hit her back, this type of woman feels like she can inflict any kind of physical pain on him without fear of repercussion. But the fact is that hitting and hurting your significant other is wrong, no matter who you are.

5. They Criticize Their Men in Public

Over the past 10 years, an ever more common trope in TV and movies is the bumbling man-child and his accomplished, competent girlfriend or wife. The guy's the butt of all the jokes and eye-rolls and he takes it in stride because he's grateful to be paired up with such a great lady. This on-screen dynamic bleeds over into everyday life all the time. There's no reason to take constant public criticism from your wife or girlfriend. If she wouldn't like you doing it to her, she shouldn't dish it out. Simple as that.

4. They Don't Disclose Their Relationship Status

You’ve pulled out all your best moves and you seem to be making progress with the cute girl you’ve just met. When you finally get to the point when you feel you can safely ask for her number, she smiles and says: “I have a boyfriend.” That information would have been nice to have at the beginning of the conversation. It’s certainly not the worst thing a woman could do to a man, but it is annoying when she lets you assume that she’s available so that she can enjoy your flirtation and flattery.

3. They Withhold Sex to Make A Point

There's not being in the mood, and then there's using sex as a power lever. Women have gone on strike in the bedroom as a form of protest for centuries -- there are parts of the world where it remains an effective form of social protest. Needless to say, it's not our favorite way to get a point across, mostly because it's frustratingly effective. We get it! Can't we just talk about it?

2. They Test Their Men

You’re all ready to go for a night out with your friends, when your girlfriend calls and asks you to change your plans to be with her instead. She doesn’t have any particular reason; she just wants to see you. She knows that you had plans to meet up with the guys, but if you really loved her, you’d come over to her place instead, right? If her request comes with an “If you really loved me,” then it’s a test. If you choose anything other than immediately rushing to her side, you’re going to fail. This kind of testing in a relationship is indeed cruel and petty.

1. They Flirt To Inspire Jealousy

Maybe she’s feeling underappreciated, maybe you’ve just had a big fight or maybe she just enjoys the tortured look on your face. For whatever reason, girls who flirt obviously with other guys in front of their boyfriends are immature and manipulative.

There you have it, ten ways that women can be uniquely cruel to guys. Guys, don’t let anyone mistreat you.  Remember, real men respect women by opening doors for them, not hitting them and simply respecting her for who she is but sometimes women may take advantage of a real man.  So if your significant other or any woman is resorting to any of these types of behavior, you owe it you yourself and to her to call her out on her cruel behaviors.  Most importantly respect yourself enough to refuse to put up with anyone who would be this cruel. 

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM.  Portland, Oregon. March 19, 2014.

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3/12/14

5 Reasons to Love Irish Men By Aisling Carroll, Huff Post.

I stand in a twelve-person deep line at Dublin airport, quickly overcome by the feeling of a furnace on my face. The bright shamrocks on the screens in front of me begin to shake, the loud voices over the intercom grow quiet and I drop down on one knee.  Closer to the ground, I instantly feel safer and cooler and confident that I have averted blacking out. (These black out episodes are a long-term side effect of the chemo I had to treat ovarian cancer.)

I start to garner the familiar but unwanted and bewildered looks from my fellow line-sharers. From the Americans, the looks say, "Is she Tebowing?"  Not to appear religiously devout, which will only add to the attention, I peer into my carry-on bag and rummage through it as if looking for a lost Lifesaver. I frown to add to the drama of the looking. As always, this works. The stares stop and I'm relieved to have pulled this off again.  

"Ah now, there's no need to be getting down on the one knee," I hear in an Irish accent. I look up to see a large man standing a few feet to my side. This stranger seems to be talking to me. He flashes an approving smile from several feet above and says, "Of course I'll marry you."

I want to dive into my bag as numerous heads turn, but instead, my mouth forms a momentary, shy grin. He catches it while sauntering off, which unfortunately, gives him the satisfaction of knowing I'm a little bit impressed by his wit. I have just been hit by the "Irish charm cannons," as my brother coined them.   In addition to public mortification, here are five other reasons to love Irish men:

They don't ask deep, introspective questions upon meeting.
"So, what are your passions in life?" asked the 40-something, cell-phone-clipped-to-chinos man who looked at me with no trace of irony. We were in the waiting room of a Northern California doctor's office. It wasn't quite 9:30 a.m.. We had only been chit chatting for a few minutes. I wanted to let out an exasperated, "UGGGGGHHH!" but said, "Do you have a pen?" with a slightly apologetic smile as I pointed to the medical form in my lap. Mr. Intensity's line of questioning was one that no Irish man would ask at first meeting. Instead, they punt with "Any craic?" (craic -- pronounced crack -- means something like fun, good times in Irish) or "What's the story?" And they ask these no-pressure questions indiscriminately. When the leader of the Western world came to Dublin, the Irish sardined the streets to see him. They wore Kermit green "WHAT'S THE CRAIC, BARACK?" t-shirts.

They want to make their mothers happy.
When my cousin Mike was 17, his mom would stop him at the door before he headed for a night out with his friends. She'd cup his chin firmly in her hand. She'd stare hard. "Think once. Think twice... Think M-A-M-M-Y!" she'd say. This was a warning: no "messing" (fights) or "carrying on" (sex) because she'd stand for none of it. The Irish Mammy is both feared and admired by her son, who strives not to disappoint her. That's why he wears a Tommy Hilfiger/Ralph Lauren shirt when taking her out, brings her a fancy chocolate egg at Easter and pretends to attend the 10 o'clock mass. Simply put, he loves her.

They downplay a rainy day.
My sister jacked up the volume on the remote so we could hear our favorite TV weatherman over the pelting rain, which flooded against our Dublin door. We knew from experience that the Angela's Ashes rain wouldn't cease, but we tuned in to boost our damp souls.

Standing in front of one massive blotch of dark grey, the weatherman mumbled quickly, nearly inaudibly, about "the unsettled stuff" and "tunderry showers." He said they might cause "one or two problems." He did not detail these problems, nor drill down into the miserable metrics, which his foaming-at-the-mouth American counterpart would have already trademarked RAINpocalypse!

Instead, Martin gave us an adorable smile-wink and showed us a viewer sent-in photo of a daisy head. The next photo was a meadow of tall, sun-dappled grass. This was Martin's masterstroke -- like Ireland's finest poets, he created a beautiful, idealized world. Wear a white linen tunic! Pack a picnic! Raingear is for unimaginative, overly literal losers! He signed off with a cheerful shout out to Bernie in Ballyhaunis on her 80th birthday.

The most macho among them say the word "lovely" with some frequency.
He's an Irish macho man and he (proudly) doesn't own an umbrella. He is a ham-loving, Bono-bashing cynic whose unprintable language would have made Richard Pryor marvel. Pryor, however, would have been baffled by this man's numerous and genuine L-bombs: "I had a lovely bit of beef last week" -- "Well sure, he's a lovely lad." Maybe I'm gullible, or maybe I'm just American, but his tender-sounding L-bombs make me feel a tug of affection for him.

They try to cheer you up, in roundabout sorts of ways.
"It looks like I'm going to lose my hair," I said to my friend Gerry, one of the first times I had acknowledged this fact aloud since my oncologist had told me. I phoned Gerry certain that in an Irish male way, he wouldn't address the emotions around my hair falling out. And this was exactly what I was looking for.  Instead he said, "Well, I'm losing my hair and mine's not coming back." There was a laugh in his voice that confused me; I knew he was sensitive about his previously-unmentioned receding hairline. "Yours, though, yours will come back."

Of course it will, I realized, instantly lifted. As obvious as it was, I had not thought of the growing back bit. Gerry had just cheered me up by pointing out a hard truth for him to illuminate a promising truth for me.  So to the Irish illuminators -- in each and every corner of the world -- may you have a happy St. Patrick's Day.

Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon.  March 12, 2014.

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3/05/14

“Men Dream of Mars, Women Dream of Venus: How Men and Women Dream Differently” By Suzanne Bergmannand Susan Baragia via DreamsCloud

For 90 minutes to two hours or more each night, every single person on Earth dreams. Sometimes, the dreams are straightforward in their meaning to the dreamer: a long-lost friend reappears, a tropical beach beckons or the lottery jackpot is within reach.  But dreams don't always tell a simple story, and the field of dream research becomes even more fascinating when people from different cultures and backgrounds report having similar dreams.

"Dreams are a universal language, creating often elaborate images out of emotional concepts," explains Susan Baragia, a Master of Educational Psychology and professional dream worker. Baragia, who is part of the experienced team of Dream Reflectors at DreamsCloudthat provide feedback and insight about dreams, has identified 14 common images found in dreams posted to the DreamsCloud user-generated dreams database.

"There's no single, definitive meaning for symbols and images in dreams," Baragia notes. "But just as a smile usually means that someone is happy, these dream images are so common, that they do have a generally accepted meaning." Studies and surveys have found that men and women dream differently, although we are not worlds apart either. Is this surprising?

As we embark upon our quest to understand the opposite sex, we may have noticed that the opposite sex is not only biologically different from us, but they also have a different experience within society. Therefore, it stands to reason that they likely think, feel and perhaps dream differently than us.

Tapping into the dreams of the opposite sex may help us to understand how they really tick. What is really on their minds? How do they really feel? What is important to them? What do they like? What do they hate? Dreams can provide us with a lot of insight into the inner workings of the mind, heart and soul.

Study after study, survey after survey, we are finding similar themes amongst the dreams of men and similar themes amongst the dreams of women.  For instance, women may have a tendency to dream of emotions, relationships, and family members. In contrast, men may have a tendency to dream of violence, strangers, cars, and sex with unknown partners.  Not only is the content of our dreams different, but how we perceive and regard our dreams varies as well. Women tend to recall more details of their dreams and regard them as more important, on average, than most men might. Women are also more likely to share, record, and discuss their dreams with others. Additionally, women are more likely to define a dream as being a nightmare and are more likely than men to seek out dream interpretation and/or use a dream dictionary to help them to understand the meaning of their dreams.

Although men are sometimes more likely to dream of physical aggression, women are often more likely to dream of verbal aggression. Research has also indicated that women dream of work more often now than in previous years -- undoubtedly a reflection of the times.  Both men and women dream of work; however, men tend to dream of success or monotony, while women tend to dream of the challenges of balancing home and work, as well as emotional expression within the workplace.

So, Why Do Men and Women Dream Differently?

There are differences in the way men and women think, express feelings, perceive feelings, and participate in the world. The reason for these differences could be socialization, or could be biological. The correct answer is likely a combination of the two.  Since some women can tend to gain their self-esteem from relationships and some men can tend to gain their self-esteem from their performance within the world, it makes sense that women may dream of relationships more often and men dream of achievement more often.

Of course, we are generalizing a little and should to be careful to avoid inadvertently falling into gender-based stereotypes about dreaming.  We all have different degrees of masculine and feminine traits.  People can dream similarly or differently, regardless of sex or gender identity. Similarities and differences in dreaming style usually have more to do with a person's background, personality traits, levels of introversion and/or extroversion, cultural environment, belief system, and worldview, than to do with an individual's sex.

Men Tend to Dream Of:

  • Strangers, success or failure
  • Sex with unknown partners
  • Physical aggression
  • Cars and roads
  • Violence
  • Shorter dreams
  • Less color
  • Competition

Women Tend to Dream Of:

  • Family members, relationships
  • Kissing, flirting with someone, or sex with someone known to the woman
  • Verbal aggression
  • Emotional expression
  • Loss of loved ones
  • Longer dreams
  • More color
  • Conversation

Below are the 14 common dreams and symbols and how they differ from men and women.

1. Being Chased

This is one of the most commonly reported dreams.  Mostly because the anxiety we feel in the dream is so vivid, that it makes it easier for us to remember them.  Often, the reason for these dreams comes not from the fear of actually being chased, but rather what we're running from. Chase dreams help us to understand that we may not be addressing something in our waking lives that requires our attention.

Women may have this dream because they may be struggling with relationship issues, body images, or any personal problems.

Men may have this dream because they are struggling with financial issues, relationships, emotions, issue at work, etc.

2. Water

Water frequently represents our emotions or our unconscious minds. The quality of the water (clear vs. cloudy; calm vs. turbulent) often provides insight into how effectively we are managing our emotions.

Women may have this dream as an indicator of the emotional connection in their relationships.

Men may have this dream as it pertains to the task orientation of their working relationships.

3. Vehicles

Whether a car, airplane, train or ship, the vehicles in our dream can reflect what direction we feel our life is taking, and how much control we think we have over the path ahead of us. Vehicles can give us the power to make a transition and envision ourselves getting to our destination -- or highlight the obstacles we think we are facing and need to work through.

Women may have this dream as it deals with her future and progression.  She may also have this dream as it pertains to her children.

Men may have this dream as it deals with his success or failure at work.

4. People

Seeing other people in your dream often is a reflection of the different aspects of the self. The people in dreams can relate to characteristics that need to be developed.  Specific people directly relate to existing relationships or interpersonal issues we need to work through.  Dreaming of a lover, in particular, is frequently symbolic of an aspect of ourselves, from which we feel detached.

Women may have this dream as it pertains to people who will influence them in the future, like  her future husband or the man of her dreams.

Men may have this dream as it pertains to those who have influenced him in the past.  He may dream of his grandfather that has passed away that may represent tradition and wisdom he may need in his life.

5. School or Classroom

It's a very common situation for people in dreams to find themselves in a school or classroom, often confronted with a test that they aren't prepared to take. This is a great example of a "dream pun" -- the mind using a word or concept and giving it a different definition.  The "lesson" or "test" we face inside the school or classroom is frequently one we need to learn from our past -- which is one reason these dreams are often reported by people who have long since finished school.

Women may have this dream when a child is born.

Men may have this dream when starting a new job or project at work.

6. Paralysis

Unknown to most people, the body is actually encountering a form of paralysis during dreaming, which prevents it from physically performing the actions occurring in their dreams, therefore dreaming about paralysis frequently represents the overlap between the REM stage and waking stage of sleep. Dreaming about paralysis can also indicate that the dreamer feels he or she lacks control in their waking life.

Women may have this dream if she is having difficulty controlling her emotions or actions.

Men may have this dream if he is being bullied at work by other men or is not as successful as other men.

7. Death

Although death is often perceived as negative, it's often more directly related to dramatic change happening for the dreamer -- the end of one thing, in order to make room for something new.  For example, the loss of a friend and the gain of a new friend.

Women going through a divorce may have this dream as their marriage comes to an end.

Men who have lost a job or are changing careers may have this dream.

8. Flying

Flying in a dream, and how effectively or poorly it's done, relates to how much control we feel we have in our lives, and whether we are confident and able to achieve our goals.  High flying is one of the most euphoric dreams imaginable, while flying or "skimming" low to the ground or being caught in obstacles like power lines can be immensely frustrating.

Women may have this dream as it relates with her relationships or frustration represented in verbal arguments with a loved one.

Men may have this dream as it relates to where he is in his life and where he wants to be, like his  income or accomplishments.

9. Falling

Not all falling dreams are scary and negative.  Some dreamers report a type of slow falling that indicates serenity and the act of letting go.  Often, falling uncontrollably from a great height indicates something in our waking life feels very much out of control.

Women may have this dream as it relates to arguing in a relationship or conflict.

Men may have this dream as it relates to a stack of bills or letting go of an old grudge.

 10. Nudity

Emotional or psychological exposure or vulnerability is very often expressed in dreams through nudity.  The body part that's exposed can give more insight into the emotion that our dreams are helping us to understand.

Women may have this dream as it relates to a dark secrete about her that others may discover about her.

Men may have this dream as it relates to a certain weakness or fault being exposed.

11. Baby

Dreaming of a baby often represents something new: It might be a new idea, new project at work, new development or the potential for growth in a specific area of our waking life.

Women may have this dream as it relates to redecorating the house or making a drastic change in her life – diet, hair style or color, clothing, relationship, etc.

Men may have this dream as it related to a new position at work, a new toy or car, etc.

12. Food

Food symbolizes energy, knowledge or nourishment and is directly related to our intellect, emotions and spirituality. Food can also be a manifestation of idioms like, "food for thought," and reveal that we may be "hungry" for new information and insights.

Women may have this dream as it relates to love, belonging or a connection to something bigger than her.

Men may have this dream as it relates to learning a new skill or project.  It may also be a sign we are longing for love.

13. House or Building

Houses or buildings frequently represent the dreamer's mind. Different levels or rooms may relate to difference aspects of the individual dreamer and different degrees of consciousness. The basement often represents what has been neglected, or what the dreamer is not aware of in his or her waking life, while bedrooms relate to intimate thoughts and feelings -- those closest to the dreamer's core self.

Women may have this dream as it relates to desires for perfection or opportunities lost or never offered.  Nightmare may emerge from these dreams.

Men may have this dream as it relates to unfulfilled opportunities, unfinished projects or desires for deeper intimacy. 

14. Sex

Sex in dreams can simply be an outlet for sexual expression. But dreams about sex can also symbolize intimate connections with one's self and others, and the figurative integration of new information. 

Women may have this dream as it refers to her desire for connection and intimacy.

Men may have this dream at is relates to his desire to love and be loved. 

Despite the commonality shared by many dream symbols, it is important to point out that only the dreamer can truly interpret the meaning of their dream and how these symbols and their meanings may connect to the specific events occurring in their waking life.  It is an exciting time to be interested in dreams. More and more studies are focused on answering questions we would love to know the answers to, including how differently men and women may dream.  Research can reinforce what we already knew or show us what we haven't considered. When it comes to dreams, we are learning that gender is just one influence on dreams and culture, age, and life experience may have a stronger influence on dreams.

How about you? Have you had dreams that fall within the emotional and/or societal experiences of your particular gender?

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM. Portland, Oregon. March 05, 2014.

 

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2/26/14

Sextrology: Sex According to Your Astrology Sign!  What Kind of Lover Are You? 

By ToroMagazine, February 2014

In Western astrology, astrological signs are Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces.  The concept of the astrological signs relate to human activity and are held to represent characteristic modes of expression, or primary energy patterns indicating specific qualities of experience, through which planets manifest their dimension of experience through the human experience.  One of the expressions of the human experience is sex or sextrology, sex according to your sign.  Based on your sextrological sign, what kind of lover are you?  What kind of a lover is your partner?  Are your sextrological signs capatible?

Sexological Signs:

  Aries (March 21 -April 19)

The God of War doesn’t think before actions, they have sex, then think about it later. Aries is often excited by the chase rather than the catch. They are very dominant, however do not want a submissive partner. Aries needs a spontaneous partner, in life and the bedroom. If there is a routine in the bedroom Aries will look elsewhere.

  • Aries Man in Bed:The Aries man is very dominant, loud and hot! He is an excellent lover, but if you expect dinner by candlelight, look elsewhere. Aries likes his sex fast and hot, so be prepared to hear grunts and moans. He’s not a cheater, but if bored he will drop you in an instant.
  • Aries Woman in Bed:The Aries woman doesn’t look at sex as romantic, she thinks of it as a physical act. That’s it. She will treat men like a piece of meat, then think about it the next day. She is a bit kinky, so expect dirty talk, and don’t be shocked if she wants to spank you. She wants to be wanted at all times. If you do not give her enough attention, she will seek it elsewhere.
  • Best Position:Aries is “the man” of the zodiac. So expect them to be in control at all times. Whatever they say, goes.
  • Aries Hot Spots:Fondling, tickling, nibbling the neck and above get’s them hot. Do as you please, as long as attention is given.
  • Aries Compatibility:Aries is compatible with Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini and Aquarius.

 Taurus (April 20 -May 20)

Taureans are ruled by Venus which is beneficial when it comes to love and sex. They are sensual, loyal and faithful. When they make love (not have sex), it’s the most physical and natural pleasure in the world to them. Taurus believes in using romance to get sex. You can expect dinner, flowers and even candles. They do not like to rush things, in life and sex.

  • Taurus Man in Bed: He is similar to a caveman, so expect to to three things. Cook, stay home and have sex. He is gentle and will take things slow. He can go for hours, while waiting for his partner to finish.
  • Taurus Woman in Bed: She is gentle and her touch is tender, she gives great back massages. When in the mood, she can go for hours as well, and likes pleasing her partner.
  • Best Position:Missionary – it’s comfortable and romantic, they can look into your eyes and feel more intimate.
  • Taurus Hot Spots:Taurus’ hot spot is the throat and neck, so kiss nibble and suck.
  • Taurus Compatibility: Taurus is compatible With Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer and Pisces

  Gemini (May 21 -June 20)

Gemini has split personalities, or so it seems. They like to entertain and be the center of attention. They love telling stories and are never boring. They need a partner that can keep up with them. They like a lot of variety, spontaneity. Do it in a place that you may get caught.

  • Gemini Man in Bed: Known as “the twins” he has a different side to him every time. One minute he will be saying sweet nothings in your ear, the next he will be ripping your clothes off and telling you to bend over.
  • Gemini Woman in Bed: Gemini women are not the type to enter into a long term relationship to quick. They needs spontaneity, or she’ll be gone. If the scene doesn’t change, she will change the people around her. Gemini women enjoy talking about sex, as much as doing it. Prepare for something different every time.
  • Best Position:69 – They like to give and receive pleasure at the same time.
  • Gemini Hot Spots: Gemini rules the shoulders, arms and legs. If you want to get them hot, start with a massage and focus on these spots, their hands are very sensitive, so lick, nibble and suck. Soon, you will be lying on the table when they attack you.
  • Gemini Compatibility: Gemini is compatible With Libra, Aquarius, Aries and Leo.

 Cancer (June 21 -July 22)

Love and sex go together for the ever so careful Cancer. Cancer needs to feel secure in love first, then the can relax for sex. Cancer are turned on by security.

Cancer Man in Bed: Cancer men are sensitive and put his partner’s needs before his. His caring nature attracts partners. He will do anything it takes to keep his partner happy.

  • Cancer Woman in Bed: She is sexy and likes to stay home. She is turned on by a family man. Giver her compliments and kiss her all over. She needs to feel secure before she can let loose.
  • Best Position: This is not the sign you want to pull whips and chains out with. Cancer needs security, so go slow and do what you like with them while they are lying on their back.
  • Cancer Hot Spots: Cancer rules the breasts and pecs. If you concentrate on these areas, you will drive your cancer wild. Kiss and brush up against them. You can be more aggressive for the Cancer man, he will love it.
  • Cancer Compatibility: Compatible With: Pisces, Taurus and Virgo.

  Leo (July 23 -August 22)

Please be prepared for a rocky road with Leo. They can be selfish, even in the bedroom. However, Leo is interested in more than just sex. They want love and Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo wants love and friendship too. Leo can be very romantic, however when in bed, they want a show.

  • Leo Man in Bed : Leo is a good lover because he doesn’t like to fail. He is very sexy and has a lot of admirers. If you keep him happy, he will not stray.
  • Leo Woman in Bed: Her partner adores her because she is sexy without even trying. Leo women like to play with men, and like them to obey every word.
  • Best Position: Anything oral, Leo likes to be serviced with a smile.
  • Leo Hot Spots: Leo rules the back. Therefore, a sensual massage will get them going. Make sure you keep physical contact at all times, and don’t be afraid to kiss and nibble their back.
  • Leo Compatibility: Compatible With: Aries, Gemini and Libra.

 Virgo (August 23 -September 22)

Virgos have dual personalities, the Virgin and the Vixen. They will make you think they are sweet and innocent, then they will seduce you. Virgos prefer a long term partner, rather than a one night stand. Once committed, Virgos prefer cuddling over sex.

Virgo Man in Bed:The Virgo man has an idea of the perfect partner. He tends to criticize, however you shouldn’t take offense, he is just trying to be a perfectionist. Virgos tend to have some kinky ideas, however they need to feel comfortable.

  • Virgo Woman in Bed: Virgo women are hard working and careful about their appearance. While maintaining their cleanliness appearance, they daydream of getting dirty. Virgo women crave the perfect lover, however they know that doesn’t exist, so they settle for the closest possible. They love strong passion.
  • Best Position: Any position that involves eye contact, they like to seduce with their eyes.
  • Virgo Hot Spots: Virgo’s rule the stomach, which means if you caress, lick, kiss and tease their stomach, that will get them hot.
  • Virgo Compatibility: Virgo is compatible with Taurus, Capricorn and Cancer.

  Libra (September 23 -October 22)

Libra balances between being sexy and a great lover, which makes them number one to satisfy your needs. The pitfall: If they don’t get what they want from you, they may move on, before it’s even over.

  • Libra Man in Bed:Libra men like sex to be an adventure. Don’t be surprised if he suggests the restaurant bathroom or giving him head under the table. He likes the feeling that he may get caught. Men of this zodiac prefer their lover to take the lead. He is very romantic and will try out any fantasy you may have.
  • Libra Woman in Bed: Libra women in bed are the same as the men, except for the anatomy. They want a lover that is going to take charge and fulfill their fantasies.
  • Best Position:The lover of the zodiac will do whatever it takes to make you moan and scream. Expect long nights and days in bed.
  • Libra Hot Spots: Libra rules the lower back and butt. So pat, squeeze and slap as you please.
  • Libra Compatibility: Compatible With: Gemini, Aquarius, Leo and Sagittarius.

  Scorpio (October 23 -November 21)

Beware: Scorpios are very possessive. They feel threatened if you even look at another person across the room. On the other hand, they are loyal, reliable and always there when you need them. Scorpio’s are also protective. They feel that knowledge is power. They also enjoy sex and dirty fantasies.

  • Scorpio Man in Bed: Scorpio men always satisfy their partners. They are great lovers and aim to please.
  • Scorpio Woman in Bed: Scorpio women look quiet and innocent, however they are the wildest of the zodiac. They don’t like to play games and usually get what they want. Beware: Scorpio women can hold a grudge for a long time and may even seek revenge.
  • Best Position: They love sex the most – so they are up for anything.
  • Scorpio Hot Spots: Scorpio’s hot spot is between their legs. Knowledge also turns them on. Talking dirty will really get them going. Prepare for a wild and satisfying ride.
  • Scorpio Compatibility: Compatible With: Pisces, Virgo and Capricorn

  Sagittarius (November 22 -December 21)

Sago’s are very playful and laid back. They also like to embellish their stories. They are spontaneous and adventurous in the bedroom. When they find “the one” they are dedicated full time as long as the other is devoted as much.

  • Sagittarius Man in Bed: He loves to pursue, however he can be quite selfish in the bedroom. When in a relationship, if sex is withheld, he will look for it somewhere else.
  • Sagittarius woman in bed: Sago women change their mind often and can be hard to keep up with. Sago women are very adventurous in the bedroom and is very open minded. They will hide their emotions, so it is hard to read them.
  • Best Position: They will do anything, and like it more than once.
  • Sagittarius Hot Spots: Sago’s rule the hips and thighs. So grip and grab them gently. Try stroking and massaging.
  • Sagittarius Compatibility: Compatible With: Leo, Aries, Aquarius and Libra

  Capricorn (December 22 -January 19)

Capricorns like to hide their emotions, so you can never tell if they are in love. Capricorns are driven by money and manage it well.

  • Capricorn Man in Bed: After working all day long, Capricorn men want to get it done and over with. Don’t expect a lot of spontaneity. They usually keep their fantasies in their head.
  • Capricorn Woman in Bed: Control freaks and usually enjoy experimenting, expect random desires and requests.
  • Best Position: Spooning
  • Capricorn Hot Spots: Capricorns rule the knees. Pay attention to this area and they should loosen up and provide you with all of their attention.
  • Capricorn Compatibility: Compatible With: Virgo, Taurus and Pisces.

  Aquarius (January 20 -February 18)

Aquarius is the master of sexual twists and turns. Sex is more of an intellectual experience, rather than physical. Aquarius also fears commitment, so don’t rush the “L” word when with this sign. They are very entertaining and inventive in bed. Expect to learn new things. Most Aquarian’s are very impatient, so they like sex to be fast and very satisfying.

  • Aquarius Man in Bed:He likes to experiment, so expect watching porn, role playing, doing it in public places and S&M. Aquarius men can keep at it as long as it takes for their partner to finish.
  • Aquarius Woman in Bed: Aquarius women need lover who are upfront and honest. She doesn’t have time for games, so as soon as you begin, she will disappear. She tries not to show her emotions, so she may seem cold and distant at times.
  • Best Position: Mutual masturbation
  • Aquarius Hot Spots: Aquarius loves their legs and calves being fondled. Do not go below the ankles!
  • Aquarius Compatibility: Compatible With: Libra, Gemini and Aries.

 Pisces (February 19 -March 20)

Pisces prefer to put all their efforts toward pleasing their partners. When doing any intimate deed they consider it an act of romance. They are in love with romance, however can become jealous easily.

  • Pisces Man in Bed: Pisces men are very romantic and excellent lovers. He is into romance and prefers to make love than have sex.
  • Pisces Woman in Bed: Pisces women need romance, they need cuddling and whispers of affection. She wants to be adored and needed. If she get’s what she wants, she will make sure all your needs are taken care of.
  • Best Position: Anything that involves their partner’s pleasure.
  • Pisces Hot Spots: Pisces hot spot is their feet. Start off with a foot bath, massage and tease.
  • Pisces Compatibility: Compatible With: Cancer, Taurus and Capricorn.

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, February 26, 2014. Portland. Oregon.

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2/19/14

 

Men vs. Women: Understanding Their Subtle differences By Funny2.com & Esquire Magazine February 17, 2014

Men and women are always told they are different from one another.  As little boy and girls these differences are socialized into our brain and then as adults we are told we need to become one with each other and unite!  Be the same!  Huh?  Is that possible?  Having men and women be the same is like having the same ends of the magnet attract each other, positive to positive or negative to negative – it doesn’t work!   The forces that try to make the same ends of a magnet come together causing them to repel each other is like making men and women be alike – it doesn’t’ work!  Understanding the subtle differences between man and women help the opposite end of the magnet join forces, making it very difficult to pull apart!  Let’s celebrate the differences of men and women and the joy of their eclectic union!  Here are some of the subtle differences of men and women, let’s understand them better to be a match like the magnets:

Handwriting:
Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.
Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "b" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Groceries:
Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.
Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.

Relationships:
Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

Sex:
Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.
Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.

Maturity:Women:They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.
Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:Men:Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.
Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Bathrooms:

Men:A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.

Shoes:Women:When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.
Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.

Cats:
Women:Women love cats.
Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Children:
Women:A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
Men:  A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up:

Women:A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Laundry:

Women:Women do laundry every couple of days.
Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love American Style."

Eating Out:

Men:When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
Women: When the girls get their check, out comes the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:

Men:Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror.
Women: They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys' heads.

Menopause:

Women:When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.
Men: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Phone:

Men:Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.
Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Toys:

Women:Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.
Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

Cameras:

Men:Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.
Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Locker Rooms:

Men:In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.
Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Movies:

Women:Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.
Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

Jewelry:

Women:Women look nice when they wear jewelry.
Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Conversation:

Men:Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size."
Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on.

Leg Warmers:

Women:Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.
Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."

Friends:

Women:Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time.
Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?"

Restrooms:

Women:Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom.
Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"

Well…there you are, some of the major subtle differences between men and women.  Understanding these differences may not move the earth but can make you time on earth more enjoyable, satisfying and fulfilling with your significant other.  Let’s celebrate the differences of men and women and much like the positive and negative ends of the magnet, let men and women unite together!

 

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2/12/14

St. Valentine’s Day, When Love Is Not Enough: 4 Tips for a Strong Relationship!

By Claire Barber, Relationship Expert.

 “Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together.” ~Unknown

My husband and I were going through a difficult time a few years ago. It felt like a pivotal time in our relationship. People say that marriage isn’t easy and you have your ups and downs. Well, we were definitely experiencing a low point.

We had been together for several years; we had been high school sweethearts and were each other’s best friends. During this time we had several issues going on in our life, one of which was my husband being out of work, and suffering with anxiety, depression, and a lack of self-esteem and confidence as a result. Our relationship was in a bad place and we were being tested.

We were not spending any quality time together, nor were we going out together as a couple (my husband didn’t want to face anyone, including friends and family).

We didn’t feel like each other’s friends, let alone the lovers and best friends we had grown to be. At times we even felt like strangers—or even worse, each other’s enemies. We were forever fighting, bickering, and whining at each other.

After a lot of heartache and many heated arguments, we realized we could no longer go on like this. When we stopped to analyze the situation, we asked ourselves several questions:

Did we still love each other? Did we still want to be married? Had everything changed so much that we just couldn’t work things out?

Once we decided we wanted to be in our marriage, we each made a commitment to start treating each other differently.  We hoped that, with a new perspective and our mutual love and respect for each other, we could start working together and make the change we so desperately needed. We hoped that a change in attitude and behavior would salvage our marriage.

The following four elements became very critical in our relationship and led to us saving our marriage, as well as making it stronger for the future. 

1. Communication.

During this rough period we stopped communicating clearly. It’s funny how, as human beings, we withdraw from each other when there is a sign of trouble or misunderstanding.  We decided to consciously work on our communication. We spoke in “I” statements rather than “you” statements.

We expressed how we felt rather than blaming a situation on the other person. “I” statements work because they show how you feel, whereas “you” statements create a sense of accusation and blame.  This helped us be open with how we felt, stopped us from shutting each out, and allowed us to talk about our issues in a productive and efficient way.

2. Appreciation.

We were feeling a lot of resentment toward each other, and not feeling loved and appreciated, so we put in place a daily appreciation diary. Keeping a personal gratitude journalis a great asset; it makes you focus on the positive in your life and leads to happiness.

Keeping a gratitude diary as a couple had the same benefits and gave us hope. It forced us to focus on the positives of the day and not just the negative events or what the other person did or didn’t say. It made us appreciate the other person and see them for the person we fell in love with.

It also made us feel good to be acknowledged and appreciated for what we had done on a daily basis. It helped to hear the other person say thank you, even though we were being thanked for doing our expected roles—me, for going to work full time and my husband, for taking over the home duties.

It was important for us to hear the gratitude from the other person so we didn’t feel like we were being taken for granted.

3. Quality time as a couple.

It was also helpful for us to schedule quality time with each other—getting out of the house and spending time together away from all the issues of our life; taking the step back and just being with each other.   It’s important to set some time aside to just be a couple; spend quality time together regularly, but especially during hard times.  This doesn’t need to involve money; just a walk down the park together or along the beach will help. Just taking yourself out of your home environment will be beneficial.  We enjoyed each other’s company once again and started to feel more happiness as a couple.

4. Showing love as the other person wants to receive it.

We both still loved each other, but didn’t really feel that we were loved. I’ve read books and articles about how people receive and give love differently. Your partner may not perceive love in the same way as you; and remember, someone’s perception is their reality.

How your partner receives your love is important. You can’t assume the other person knows that you love them.  For myself, I feel loved when people spend quality time with me, making the effort to talk to me and listen. My husband, on the other hand, receives love by affirmations, people giving him compliments and positive statements. With this in mind we made an effort to show each other love in ways that we knew would make each other feel loved on a regular basis.

By doing all of this we started to feel like we were in a loving marriage and that weren’t battling through our difficult life on our own. We had each other there for the support we needed. 

We look back on this time as a lesson learned. We feel proud that we got through it and grateful that our relationship is stronger. We faced the challenge and came out on top.  We now practice these simple things every day to grow together and maintain a good and loving relationship.

We can be confident that by using these simple techniques, we can face the many challenges life throws at us together, such as having a miscarriage last year and our ongoing quest to start our own family.  If you are fortunate enough to share your life with someone you love, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to make an effort every day in your relationship.

They say love conquers all and that all you need is love, but unfortunately a solid relationship needs more than that. It requires being there for each other, showing support, feeling loved, being grateful that you are sharing your lives together, and above all, showing your appreciation every day.

Photo by Jeanne

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, February 12, 2014. Portland. Oregon.

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2/05/14

How to Overcome Age Difference in a Relationship:  5 Steps that will help you overcome this age gap and make your relationship successful.

 By, Kristina Jones, Yahoo Contributor Network


Are you in a relationship with someone much younger or older than you? If so, it does not mean your relationship is doomed to fail, you have to work to make it successful. I know how hard it is because my husband is nearly 12 years older than me. To make the relationship work, you must be able to overcome the age gap. This guide will help you overcome this age gap and make your relationship successful.

Overcoming Age Difference Step 5 - Treat Each Other Equally

Refrain from treating each other as either a child or a parent. If you are older than your partner, you should not tell your younger partner how she or he should put away their clothes, for example. This will make them feel as if you are trying to parent them and leave them feeling they are inferior to you. If you are younger than your partner, do not talk to them as if they are in charge of you. For example, do not ask your partner for permission to buy the latest CD by your favorite artist. You are an adult and can make your own decision, so do not let your partner decide which color sock you can wear each day. This step is very important to overcoming the age difference because you are both to be equal, so treat each other as equals.

By taking all of these steps, your May-December relationship can work. Like I said at the beginning of the guide, I have been through it and have persevered. You must remember what initially sparked your relationship and you must learn to give to and take from the relationship equally. Do not let the age difference between you and your partner become a factor in deciding your relationship, after all he or she could be the one.

Overcoming Age Difference Step 4 - Compromise

You must learn to compromise. Not all of us have the pleasure of having everything our way all the time. You must compromise so both partners interests are taking into consideration. Make a day, at least once a month, where each individual has the opportunity to choose an activity to do together. One weekend visit the park and enjoy a picnic and the next weekend go out to the club with your significant other. When you are on each other's activities, be sure not to complain and genuinely enjoy the activity. If you complain, this can leave your partner feeling upset and give the impression you are not interested in your partner. Being able to compromise is one of the best parts of being in a relationship because both parties are happy.

Overcoming Age Difference Step 3 - Voice Your Needs and Wants

Communicate your needs and wants. People have different needs and wants at different stages of their life. If your partner does not understand why you must do something a certain way or want to take part in some activity, you can become miserable. You must find the best way to communicate with your partner and give yourself a voice. Being voiceless and letting the other person in the relationship make all the decisions will set the relationship up for disaster.

Overcoming Age Difference Step 2 - Understanding Where Your Partner is in Life

Step 2 in the process is to understand what phase in life your partner is at. Your partner may not be at the same place in life as you. Maybe your older partner has left his or her partying days behind and enjoys nice cozy nights inside and you just enjoy partying and vice-versa. As part of overcoming the age difference you must accept the fact your partner may not enjoy every activity you would like to experience because he or she may have already experienced the activity. Acknowledging these differences can make a world of difference in your relationship.

Overcoming Age Difference Step 1 - Identify Why You Are Together

Before you can overcome the age difference, you must identify what attracts you to the person. Is it the person's personality or other factor? You have to remember why you decided to make this person a part of your life. You also must take time to analyze what about you is attractive to your partner. Maybe you are sophisticated or easy going. Make sure to acknowledge why you are together and with what your special connection is held together.

There you go, five steps to narrowing the age gap in your relationship that will help both of you go strong and be just as satisfying, happy and long lasting as any other relationship.  Remember age is just a number.  Think about it, how old would you be if you didn’t know how old your are? 

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, February 05, 2013. Portland. Oregon.

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1/29/14

Why are Husbands Jealous of their Wife’s Friend: Four questions to ask yourself if you want to be HER best friend!

By, Relationship Health Message, www.healthboards.com

Steve tells his friend, “I just wanted to know if the men or woman have gone through this, my wife has a very good friend from work that she is very close to, when she gets home they call each other and talk on the phone for a good while, I really do not mind of her friendship with her, she is a very nice person and we all have gone out to dinner and she's really nice, but for some time now or rather the last 2 weeks every night, my wife has been tired and we have not spent any time together, every night I hear the say excuse, I'm tired and sleepy or I'm not feeling well.  But whenever my wife's friend comes over, like this past Friday night after work, my wife was full of energy, drinking and dancing at home of course but meanwhile for the last 2 weeks, I'm been completely ignored.  Now this might sound as if I'm jealous of their friendship, which I'm not I don’t mind her having friends, that would be stupid but the fact that every night she's too tired for me and yet for her friend she is full of energy and gives her all the time in the world, what do you think?

I agree with the other posters.  I think there are varying degrees of how this plays itself out, and the answers are some of the hardest to hear.   Like when the husband comes home and the wife is so wrapped up in the children and the housework and getting things done, that she isn't receptive to his sexual advances, she's too tired to have time for him.   Or when women complain that their husbands always have time for the sports station, or going out with their buddies, going to the bars, the games, the garage,....but no time for their dates, for romance, or family picnics.  I think what happens is we slip into comfort zones, we take our partners for granted, we lose the very qualities we exhibited when we were dating them (and don't replace them with other qualities).


There are some painful questions we all need to ask ourselves when we feel this way:

1) Would "I" want to spend time with me?
2) Why would he/she want to be with me?
3) What do I offer him/her that is more enticing or more exciting?
4) Do I always offer the same things: i.e.: my approaches are usually for sex, my approaches are usually to complain about something that hasn't been done, I usually whine about what is wrong with him/her and how I feel neglected, I pout, I complain about (his job, her friends, the in-laws, the kids, money)

We do want, as someone else pointed out, the "top billing" position by default, because it makes us feel secure, and part of being married IS feeling safe and comfortable.  But if that safety turns into apathy or resentment -- and the longer it stews without being addressed, the harder it is to remedy it.

Surprise her when she comes home by doing something new and exciting,... without drawing attention to your efforts or complaining when she goes out,.... warm up the inside of your relationship instead of trying to seal the cracks to the outdoors and keeping the outside away from her.

That's very hard, painful, hurts the ego, and calls for soul searching. But it can be done.   Life isn't what happens to you -- it's how you react to it!  Thoughts don't make us who we are -- Actions do.

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, January 29, 2014. Portland. Oregon.

 

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Fear the Dentist? You're Not Alone. But Who Fears the Dentist More, Men or Women? Top 10 Phobias That Cause People To HATE Dentists! - 1/23/14

By Dr. Joseph Bulger DDS, is a West Toronto dentist. He’s also the owner-founder of Royal York Dental – a respected dental clinic serving Etobicoke since 1950.  Additional author, Dr. Louis Siegelman, D.D.S.  Feb. 13, 2012

 

What do you HATE about dentists? What part of it bugs you the most? “Everything!”

If you’re a Dentist Hater, I’m sure you have your reasons, and yet I’ll bet it’s not actually dentists you hate. It’s all the stuff a dentist does that creeps you out – the drilling, filling, and billing parts.  Who can blame you for that?  A dental chair can combine the sum of all fears with pain, needles, doctors, confined-spaces, loud noises.  It’s no big surprise so many people hate going to the dentist.   Yet, dentists aren’t such bad people. We’re just the ones doing the work and stuck with the bad-guy label.

The loud whirr of the dental tools.  Your dentist's eyes, peeking out over the sterile (some may say ominous-looking) green mask.  Leaning back in the seat, pinned down by the heavy protective bib that protects your body from radiation during dental X-rays. Scraping with sharp tools to chip away at the stains on your teeth.  Then the dentists' toothbrush, followed by suctioning and sprays of water from the mini water jet.

It sounds like a typical visit to the dentist. But for many people with some degree of dental phobia -- technically called dentophobia or odontophobia -- it's the worst experience in the world.

People with dental phobias have a reflex to feel a fight-or-flight response when they visit the dentist, explained New York City-based dentist Dr. Louis Siegelman, D.D.S., who works in private practice and also is a clinical assistant professor in pediatric dentistry at New York University.  "It's life or death, it's fight for your life or run for your life," he told HuffPost. "That's really what the core of this mechanism is."

Siegelman's dental practice isn't typical -- he specializes in people who have extreme dental phobias. He said the phobias can be a result of a multitude of things, including having a previous traumatic experience at the dentist (maybe a previous anesthetization wasn't done properly), feeling extreme discomfort while having a dental procedure done (maybe the person has trouble breathing while having work done), and having an accident where maybe a person needed stitches in or near the mouth, imprinting that scary moment in memory.

Siegelman said he sees patients who haven't been to the dentist in years because they're so afraid of coming in. For some people, this just reinforces their negative view of the dentist -- because they hadn't been in for their regular checkups, their teeth are in bad shape, just making the dental work they have to have done more extensive.  Even though Siegelman's patients are on the more extreme end of dental phobia -- "I've met people out in the hallway hugging the wall, I've had people I've had to meet outside the office because they couldn't bring themselves in," he said -- a lot of tips and tricks he uses with his patients can also apply to people who are more mildly anxious about the dentist.

Is dental anxiety more common among men or women?

Surveys estimate that approximately 80% of the adult population in the United States report some level of anxiety regarding dental treatment. A significantly large percentage of females report higher levels of dental fear on standardized measures of dental anxiety than men. There are also high prevalence rates in the area of sexual abuse and dental anxiety among women. Among those reporting dental fear and a history of sexual abuse, the fear was not always related to fear of pain nor was the fear precipitated by a traumatic dental experience. Although there is a high prevalence of dental fear among women, this is not to suggest that all women with dental anxiety have also been abused.

A new study finds women are 2.5 times more likely to fear a visit to the dentist than men. But are the men telling the truth?  "Women are more likely to be honest about their feelings," says Brian Chanpong, a dental anesthesia practitioner in Vancouver, Canada, who worked on the University of Toronto study. "The typical male would be less likely to admit to being afraid of the dentist."

Men can in fact be real wimps, Chanpong and his colleagues say, and they think their survey is flawed in the sense that men underreport their fears.  "It's the young, healthy males who are the ones who often faint in the dental office," said Daniel Hass, a professor of dentistry at the university and a co-investigator.

Of the 1,100 surveyed, 5.5 percent were very afraid of seeing a dentist, and about half of those had cancelled or avoided a dental appointment as a result. That suggests that across all of the country, more than 600,000 people did not  visit the dentist last year due to fear or anxiety.

Studies report that women are twice as more likely than men fear to the dentist!  Women have reported that they and have greater fears such as loss of their teeth to death in the dentist chair!

Here’s a list I put together of the Top 10 Reasons People Hate Dentists based on my years of observation:

Why People HATE Dentists #10 – The Bad Memories and/or Abuse Survivors!

Did you have a bad childhood experience? Join the club. So many of us endured nightmare scenarios by today’s standards.  It’s hard to let go of that.  Every time you enter  a dental office it can feel like you’re reliving those childhood events.

How could a visit to the dentist trigger memories or feelings of past abuse?

Many aspects of dental treatment have been found to symbolically represent sexual abuse for many survivors.  The following conditions may trigger a repetition of earlier trauma:

  • being alone with a person more powerful than oneself,
  • being placed in a horizontal position,
  • having someone nearby and touching you,
  • having objects placed in one’s mouth,
  • being unable to talk or swallow, and
  • experiencing or anticipating pain.

Many dental experiences may remind the patient of their abuse experience in that they produce awkward sensations of suffocation, such as in the use of rubber dams, or gagging sensations, or feeling restrained in their movement.

Your brain is wired for fear. Emotionally-intense memories are very powerful and long-lasting. Sedation Dentistry can be a great option to reduce the anxiety brought on by bad memories. Trust also goes a long ways to helping you finally let go of that past.

Why People HATE Dentists #9 – The Poor Service!

Everybody promises better service. When you step in the front door, you find out the truth.  Do they have brand integrity and a great reputation, or is it just song and dance?  Indifference is the big relationship killer in healthcare. Every member of the team represents your brand, and any time one of them drops the ball on service, the magic you were trying to convey vanishes in a puff of smoke.

Here’s a secret. Where you find great service, you’re likely to findsuperior quality. They go hand in hand.  It’s all about dedication to excellence, and that dedication extends to all aspects.  Look for prompt courteous care where you’re always treated with grace and respect. You want an uplifting experience in which you walk out healthier, happier and smiling more beautifully than when you walked in.

Why People HATE Dentists #8 – The Lectures!

If you already feel guilty or embarrassed about your situation, the last thing you want is reasons to feel worse. You don’t need to be scolded into submission, admonished like you’re a helpless child or assaulted by irrelevant factoids until your eyes glaze over.

My advice to dentists: Bombarding people with information shows professional knowledge, but demonstrates a selfish vie for attention and a disconnect from the relationship aspect. We are people taking care of people. Never forget your humanity and compromise that bond by indulging in lectures or overplaying the SMART card. People already assume you’re smart, so you don’t have to prove anything. Keep that card tucked in your pocket and use it sparingly. Play the WARM card to the hilt because what people really want is more caring in your care.

Here’s the bottom line: Find a dental team dedicated to making YOU healthy and happy instead of posturing to make themselves look more knowledgeable and superior. Never forget that you’re the boss, so tell them you prefer a NO LECTURES approach.

Why People HATE Dentists #7 – The Cost!

This can be a deal-breaker. Everyone appreciates exceptional care, but for some people, even basic dental care isn’t affordable.

There’s 2 issues here. One is affordability. What is pocket change to one is an astronomical fee to another.  People have their budget limitations and I certainly respect that. Sometimes “good enough” has to be the way when “the best” is not within reach.

The other issue is value. Not everyone places high value on their dental health. It can be a lot to spend if you need major work, and some people absolutely HATE spending hard-earned dollars on dentistry. It makes them furious because they don’t get to spend it on stuff they like. Even if they have the money, they would rather be spending it on things that bring them more pleasure.

Why People HATE Dentists #6 – The Sounds & Smells!

With any measure of anxiety or fear, your senses are put on high-alert. You become hyper-aware of sights, sounds and smells.  Some people hate the antiseptic smell of medical and dental offices.  We do our best to keep our office sensually attractive within a spa-like atmosphere.  You’ll feel our warm ambiance with light jazz in the background, our soothing warterwall, and medical-grade air purifiers to maintain a fresh clean smell.

Why People HATE Dentists #5 – The Invasiveness!

Dentistry is invasive. We’re right inside your mouth performing our gum-gardening and tooth-carpentry.  This can definitely feel like an invasion of your personal space. If the dentist is not graceful, gentle and respectful about your care, you could feel almost violated by the invasiveness of most dental procedures.

Why People HATE Dentists #4 – The Drill!

Some people are OK with everything, except for the dreaded dental drill.  This weapon of destruction – with all the noise vibration and spray – becomes a focus for their anxiety.  When they hear that sound, their sweat starts to pour.

Thankfully the newer ones are much quieter and smoother than those old brain-rattling ones of yesteryear.  Inside your mouth, sounds tend to be amplified. Sedation Dentistry can help you relax if the dental drill is intolerable.  Earphones help block out the sound so you can almost pretend you’re laying back on the beach.

Why People HATE Dentists #3 – The Anxiety!

This has to be the worst part.  Anxiety is that sense of dread and general apprehension before and during an appointment.  Anxiety puts you on edge, compounds the ordeal and you’re left completely drained by it.  Even if there isn’t any pain involved, it’s the threat of pain and other triggers of fear that build up the anxiety and make for a miserable experience.  Some people can’t sleep properly the night before their appointment.  They hate feeling so anxious but they can’t shake it. Sedation Dentistry is a great option to reduce anxiety.

Why People HATE Dentists #2 – The Pain!

Is it going to hurt?” That’s the question on everybody’s mind whenever they sit in a dental chair.  This was a strong choice for #1 on this Top10 list and is easily the most common reason that people hate dentists.

Everyone hates pain, and if you’ve ever endured dental pain, you know how excruciating it can be.  That’s the reason why so many people associate dentists with pain.  Your teeth are a vulnerable, sensitive area of your body, so the threat of dental pain is very real.  Many people have felt jolts of pain at the dentist in the past, and they never want to feel anything like that again.  That’s why proper Pain Management is so vitally important.  Otherwise dentistry becomes brutality and the dentists are despised for it.  Modern dentistry should be comfortable and easy.

Why People HATE Dentists #1 – The Needle!

In picking #1 for this Top 10 list, I gave the nod to the biggest phobia.  Fear of needles and injections is HUGE for some people.  It’s one of the Top 10 Adult Phobias, and children are even more fearful.

I didn’t dare show a picture of a needle here, because even the image will upset a phobic person.

 

Dentistry without anesthetic is an option… “Dear lord, you must be kidding!” is what you might be thinking. I actually do a lot of Minimally-Invasive Dentistry with no anesthetic. It’s nice to avoid the freezing (that’s what we call it here in Canada) when it isn’t needed.  On the other hand, proper Pain Management is absolutely essential for more invasive dentistry. I can hardly imagine the brutality of old-style dentistry.

Delivery of Local Anesthetic is often the make-or-break“Moment of Truth” in the entire patient-doctor relationship.  That’s the reason I use a Comfort-Driven System to ensure patients are as comfortable as possible.

Whether you have dental phobias or not, remember for some people going to the dentist can be life changing!

Research and edited by Dr. Kelly J. Brennan for Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, Portland Oregon.  January 22, 2014.

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Birth Order… What Does it Mean? 1/15/14

by Jeanne Degerstrom, a Parent Educator and Teacher with LADC on March 1, 2011

What is Birth Order?  What affect does it have on a person’s personality?  How does it influence parenting? How does one’s birth order affect their communication style?  Birth Order is a person’s rank by age among siblings.  Birth order can play a role in impacting personality and communication, but it is only one factor out of many that contribute to the total personality and communication style that your child develops.

Below are common characteristics for 1st born, only child, middle child and the youngest child. There is also a list of variables that can impact “birth order theory”.   Knowing common birth order characteristics, along with implications for parenting can be very beneficial in developing a connection to your child(ren) as well as understanding your child(ren) a little better.   As you read about the Birth Order Theory remember each child and family is special and unique. 

The First Born Child or sometimes referred to as the “test child” because they did not come with a manual or instructions, tends to:

  1. Take responsibility for siblings
  2. Get along with authority figures
  3. Be high achievers
  4. Need to feel right, perfect or superior
  5. Be the “good’’ kids who follow the rules and set examples for siblings

Implications for Parents:

  1. Avoid pressure to succeed
  2. Encourage participating without the goal of winning
  3. Teach that mistakes are for learning
  4. Stay away from making them always the “babysitter” for younger siblings

The Only Child, also called the “test child” tends to:

  1. Get used to being the center of attention
  2. Can be unsure of self in many ways
  3. Are frequently very responsible
  4. Often refuse to cooperate if they fail to get their own way
  5. Have a strong sense of self control and high level of maturity

Implications for parents and this is a must if you want your child to function properly on a social level.

  1. Provide learning opportunities and/or programs with other children
  2. Encourage play time with friends
  3. Invite close friends for sleepovers when your child is ready

The Middle Child, often called the “forgotten child” tends to:

  1. Try to catch up to older child’s achievements
  2. Try to be opposite of older child
  3. Rebel to find their own place
  4. Have the ability to get along with almost anyone
  5. Have an easy going approach to life

Implications for Parenting:

  1. Encourage his or her own unique gifts and talents
  2. Avoid comparisons
  3. Take time to make the middle child feel special
  4. Allow child to work out conflicts with older child on their own, if possible
  5. Make sure they have their share of pictures in the photo albums

The Youngest Child or better referred to as “the golden child” tend to:

  1. Be spoiled by siblings and parents
  2. Be clever, self-indulgent and highly creative
  3. Be treated as the baby
  4. Suffer from low self-esteem

Implications for Parenting:

  1. Do not do for the child what they can do on their own
  2. Hold the child to the same rules and chores as you did with the older child
  3. Allow child to work out conflicts with siblings, if possible
  4. Don’t refer to the youngest  as “ the baby”
  5. Be sure to take plenty of pictures like you did for the oldest

Variables that can affect the Birth Order Theory:

  1. Spacing of children (5 or more years apart means birth order repeated)
  2. Sex of (families with 2 children of the opposite sex are considered first born)
  3. Physical differences and ability levels
  4. Birth order position of parents
  5. Relationship between the parents

As parents, understanding the birth order of our children and its impact on their development and interpretation of the world, gives us a better insight to the communicative advancements of our children and their relational developments.  The more we, as parents do to understand the importance of the birth order on our children, the better connection we can make to our children.  Also, understanding our own birth order helps us become better communicators not only with our children but even more importantly, with our significant other.  Wow, who would have thought that the order in which people are born could have such an impact on our communication!

Researched and edited by Dr. Kelly Brennan for the Terry Boyd’s World Radio Show on AM 860 KPAM, January 15, 2014. Portland. Oregon.

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Do you want to do something great and help out kids?  Check out Big Brothers Big Sisters:  http://www.bbbsnw.org

                                                             


Listener Norwood Chapman sent us an email to let us know about an awesome project he's working on - a documentary called 'Why We Ride', about American combat veterans and what attracts them to motorcycles when they get home. Check out the trailer below, and learn more about the project by going to www.thelonesomeride.com

 



Fridays at 11:16, Lance Mayhew (mylifeontherocks.com) joins us.  He is our show bartender!

8/22/14

Guest bartender Patrick Bernards from Bull Run Distilling stops by to make the....

Pacific Daiquiri

2 oz. Pacific Rum

1 oz. Fresh Lime Juice

1/2 oz. Falernum

1/2 oz. Pineapple Juice

Combine all ingredients in a shaker, add ice, shake well then strain into a cocktail glass.  Garnish with a lime slice.

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Lynchburg Lemonade

1 part Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey

1 part triple sec (Cointreau)

1 part sweet & sour mix,

4 parts lemon lime soda

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Rum Club Daiquiri

 

2 oz Bacardi 8 rum

3/4 oz Lime juice

1/2 2:1 Demerara syrup

1/4 Maraschino liqueur

2 Dash Angostura bitters

4-6 Drops Absinthe (Herbsaint 100)

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5/23/14

Cuba Libre (original recipe)

 

2 oz Bacardi Gold Rum

Coca-Cola to top

lime squeeze

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5/16/14

 Le Melon Mule 

2 oz Grey Goose Le Melon vodka, ginger beer, squeeze of lemon or lime

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5/02/14

Cazadores Paloma

2oz  Tequila Cazadores Reposado

4oz  Grapefruit Soda

Pinch of Salt

Lime Wedge

Pour Tequila over ice and top off with Grapefruit soda. Add a pinch of salt and garnish with lime

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The Boulevard Cocktail  4/25/14

1 oz Woodford reserve
1 oz averna
1 oz aperol
 
Stir ingredients in a mixing pint
Strain into a Collins glass filled with ice Top with club soda Stir briefly Garnish with an orange peel

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The Moscow Mule 4/18/14

2 oz Grey Goose vodka

Top with Ginger ale or beer, serve with lime wedge

 

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The Coffee Cocktail (caffeine free & coffee free) 4/04/14

1 oz ruby port (Sandeman)

1 oz Remy Martin VSOP cognac

1 egg

3/4 oz simple syrup

 

Add all the ingredients to a cocktail shaker. Add ice. Shake vigorously and strain into a port glass or wine glass. Garnish with shaved nutmeg (optional).

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Caipirinha 3/28/14  (by our guest bartender: Jacob Grier)

2 oz Novo Fogo Silver Cachaça

1/2 lime, sliced

1 1/4 tablespoon sugar

 

Muddle limes and sugar, add cachaça and ice, shake and pour into a glass.

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Vodka Martini 1/31/14

 

2 oz Grey Goose vodka

1/2 oz dry vermouth (Noilly Pratt or Martini and Rossi recommended)

 

In a mixing glass, add both ingredients

Add ice.

Stir for 30 seconds

Strain into a chilled cocktail glass

Garnish with a lemon twist or an olive (make it a vodka Gibson with a pickled onion)

 

 

 

 

The Anejo Sage 1/24/14

 

In a pint glass add:

2oz. Cazadores Anejo Tequila.

1/4oz. Aperol.

1/4oz. Green Chartreuse.

1/4oz. Lemon juice.

Dash of Bittermens Burlesque bitters.

Prepare a bottle with Cherry wood smoke and set it to the side.

Add ice and stir down and strain in to the Cherry wood bottle.

Give a quick swirl and pour over ice.

Top with Lemon soda and zest a orange over the top.

Garnish with orange peel and cherry. 

 

 

 

Blueberry Tea 1/17/14

Ingredients:

  • 3/4 oz Cointreau Noir
  • 3/4 oz DISARONNO Amaretto
  • Black tea

Preparation:

  1. Pour the Cointreau Noir and DISARONNO Amaretto  into a preheated brandy snifter or coffee cup.
  2. Fill the fill the glass 2/3 full with hot water.
  3. Add a tea bag and steep
  4. Garnish with an orange slice if you'd like

ServeLance Mayhew's Hot Buttered Rum recipe  1/10/14

 

Hot Buttered Rum Batter
1 stick butter, room temp
¾ c brown sugar
¼ cup agave nectar
½ tsp cinnamon
pinch salt
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp allspice
1/8 tsp clove

To make a hot buttered rum, simply slice a good dollop off of the batter, add to a mug with 2 oz Bacardi 8 year rum, fill with hot water, stir to incorporate, and enjoy.

 

 

Here's the recipe for this week's drink:

9/27/2013

Gentleman Jack Tennessee Celebration Punch

Mix-

4 tblsp sugar dissolved in

1 c  fresh lemon juice

1/4 cup orgeat ( Trader Vics recommended)

1/2 c grenadine

 

For one cocktail-

 In a highball glass, add 2 oz Gentleman Jack Tennessee Whiskey, 1 oz mix and top with sparkling wine

 

For one punchbowl-

One large brick of ice

1 bottle sparkling wine (Cremant de Alsace recommended)

1/2 bottle of Gentleman Jack Tennessee Whiskey

Mix (all of it)

Combine, stir and serve

 

9/20/2013

 

Ingredients:
1 ounce Mt Gay Black Barrel Rum or Bacardi 8 Rum
1 ounce Brewed and Chilled Tazo Mango Tea
1 ounce Fresh Pineapple Juice
Fresh Allspice and Cinnamon Cinnamon Stick for Top Lemon Slices Club Soda
 
 
Preparation:
1. Combine , mango tea and fresh pineapple juice in a highball glass filled with ice and stir well. Top with club soda  2. Put a pinch of allspice and a cinnamon cinnamon stick into the glass.
3. Garnish with lemon slices .

 

9/13/2013

Oriental Cocktail

Ingredients:

Preparation:

  1. Add all ingredients in a mixing glass or cocktail shaker.
  2. Add ice and shake vigorously.

Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with a cherry.9/6/2013

 

Japanese Cocktail

Ingredients:

  • 2 oz Remy Martin VSOP Cognac
  • 1/2 oz orgeat
  • 1/2 oz fresh lime juice
  • dash of Angostura bitters
  • lime peel for garnish (optional)

Preparation:

  1. Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice.
  2. Shake well.
  3. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Garnish with a lime peel. 

 

8/23/2013

Whiskey Smash

Ingredients:
• 2 oz Woodford Reserve Bourbon Whiskey
• 1 oz simple syrup (1 to 1 ratio)
• 1/4 lemon, cut up into 2-3 pieces
• 3-4 full sprigs of spearmint
Preparation:
1. In a mixing glass, add mint and lemon. Muddle thoroughly to release juices and oils.
2. Add simple syrup and whiskey.
3. Add ice. Shake vigorously for 30 seconds.
4. Strain into a rocks glass filled with crushed ice.
5. Garnish with a mint sprig.
6. Serve
8/16/2013

 

Gin Basil Smash

2oz Bombay sapphire
3/4 oz lemon juice 1 oz simple syrup 
1 handful basil

Muddle basil, add all other ingredients. Add ice, shake and strain. Easy breezy!

 

8/9/2013

Take 3 Cocktail

2 ounces Cynar

3/4 ounce St. Germain liqueur

3/4 ounce lemon juice

club soda      

1 orange wedge, for garnish. 

 

7/26/2013

Orange Creamsicle Cocktail

1 1/2 oz Bacardi Oakheart Spiced Rum

Squirt

 

In a glass of your choosing, add Bacardi Oakheart Spiced Rum, ice and top with Squirt.

 

7/19/2013

Grey Goose Collins

1 1/2 oz Grey Goose vodka

1/2 oz simple syrup

1 oz fresh lemon juice

Club soda or sparkling water to top

 

1- Pour Grey Goose vodka, lemon juice and simple syrup into a highball glass.

2- Add ice.

3- Stir briefly to incorporate.

4- Top with club soda or sparkling water (lemon Perrier makes for an interesting twist)

6- Garnish with lemon wedge and maraschino cherry (optional) and serve

 

 

7/12/2013

Nueva Michelada

1 oz  Herradura Reposado tequila

3/4 oz New Deal ginger liqueur

3/4 oz lime juice

1/2 teaspoon soy sauce

4 dashes Tabasco

top off with half bottle Pilsner

Serve on the rocks

 

6/28/2013

Bacardi Pinapple Fusion Cooler

2 oz Bacardi Pineapple Fusion

Lemonade

Ice

 

Just mix and serve. This is super easy.

 

6/21/2013

Barrel Aged Negroni

1 bottle Bombay Sapphire gin

1 bottle Martini & Rossi Sweet Vermouth

1 bottle Campari

orange twist garnish

 

In a small oak barrel (available at Fh Steinbart or online) combine all three ingredients. Age at least one month before serving.

 

6/14/13

Bacon Whiskey Old Fashioned

 

6 pieces good quality, thick-cut bacon

1 bottle Gentleman Jack Tennessee Whiskey (750 ml)

1/2 ounce brown-sugar simple syrup

2 dashes angostura bitters

 1 small piece cooked bacon, candied (garnish)

 

 Cook the bacon slowly over medium-low heat until all the fat renders. (Save the cooked bacon for another use.) Infuse the bacon fat into the bourbon using the fat-washing technique, which adds the flavors of a fat into the spirit. To do so, pour the fat into a large glass jar and add the spirit, then swirl together. Cover and let the mixture sit in a cool, dry place for three days to one week, then refrigerate for 24 hours. The fat will solidify and separate. Pour through a strainer lined with coffee filters to strain. In a cocktail shaker, combine two ounces of the bourbon, the brown-sugar simple syrup (made by combining equal parts sugar and water and simmering over medium heat until the sugar dissolves), and the bitters. Add ice, shake well, and serve in a rocks glass. Garnish with a candied bacon strip (1/2 slice bacon cooked with brown sugar and black pepper)

 

6/7/13

White Sangria

 

·  2 peaches, sliced

·  2 cups cherries, pitted and halved

·  2 oranges, sliced

·  ½ to 1 cup sugar

·  1 cup Cointreau

·  2 750-ml bottle dry white wine

·  mint sprigs (optional) to garnish and for flavoring

·  Club soda, optional

Combine peaches, cherries and oranges with ½ cup sugar. Add the Cointreau. Chill for about 2 hours. Combine the fruit with the white wine and mint in a large pitcher and chill for a few hours or up to a day. 

 

5/31/13

Sangria

4 bottles cheap red wine (please find an actual varietal, not Carlos Rossi Hearty Burgundy. I like to use Charles Shaw Shiraz at Trader Joes)
6 oz Cointreau
2 oz Remy Martin VSOP cognac
4 valencia oranges sliced thin (don't sub navels)
2 granny smith apples sliced thin
2 cinnamon sticks, broken in 1/2
9 cloves, studded onto 1 slice of apple
1 cup granulated sugar

Combine all ingredients in a large apothecary jar or punch bowl, stir to incorporate sugar into the mix, cover, refrigerate overnight before serving.

Can be cut with sparkling water 50/50 for a lighter option for guests.

 

5/24/13

CITRUS SIPPER

1 bottle of Brugal Extra Dry Rum
20 oz. of Fresh Grapefruit juice
20 oz. of Club Soda
10-12 lime wedges
Pour all ingredients into a pitcher, lightly stir and pour over ice. Garnish with a lime wedge and serve. Serves 12-15 people.

 

5/17/13

PALOMA REDUX

2oz Herradura Blanco Tequila
1oz grapefruit juice
top with Squirt/Grapefruit Jarritos5/9/13

 

Paloma

2 oz Herradura Blanco tequila

Grapefruit Jarritos soda or Squirt to top

 

In a chimney glass, add tequila & ice. Top with soda & serve.

 

The Classic Margarita

2oz Cazadores tequila

2oz Fresh lime juice

1 oz Countreau


 

Nicolle Camarata and Diane Jordan still rocking their outfits from TWENTY YEARS AGO! Looking good, ladies!

 



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  Aaron Duran is the Terry Boyd's World movie reviewer.  He joins us every Friday at 5:45pm. You can also find him at http://www.geekinthecity.com.

 Lauri Loewenberg is a world renowned dream analyst.  She joins us on the first Tuesday of every month at 5:05pm 

www.thedreamzone.com


   


 

 

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